Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
...THE NETHERLANDS CHEATED!!! I HAVE PROOF!
So apparently the Netherlands beat the Dominican Republic last night in 11 innings to send the DR packing to whatever hut they came from.
I, much like the rest of the baseball world, am shocked by this because the DR sported a fantastic line-up with such big name stars like Jose Reyes from the Mets, David Ortiz from the Red Sox and Miguel "Injection" Tejada from the Astros. The Netherlands on the other hand have Sidney Ponson. Yeah, big fat Sidney Ponson...THAT'S IT!
In the 1st round of the World Baseball Classic, or WBC as ESPN tells me it's called, the Netherlands defeated the Dominican Powerhouse like 3-1 or some shit like that, but they beat them.
So they face them in an elimination match...AND BEAT THEM AGAIN, this time in 11 innings. Well, as I was getting dressed this morning (hi2u), I was watching Sportscenter and realized something was different.
Now, not everyone will be able to see it. In fact, I had to slow down my TV and replay it over and over until I finally saw how the Netherlands beat the Domincan Republic.
For those who didn't see it, the final play was an error by the first baseman as he tried to catch a line-drive and it shot off of his glove, causing the runner at third base to score.
What you are about to see may be one of the most shocking controversies to hit the WBC since A-Rod having an international love affair with Derek Jeter. This picture was captured from my TV, so I apologize if it is in poor quality.
As you can see, Willy Aybar was running for the ball when suddenly a lightning bolt shot down from the sky. Now many may not have seen this as it happened so quick that you needed to stop your TV at the right point.
So why would lightning strike down on the Dominican during a baseball game? Does God hate the Dominican Republic? No.
I did some more searching and found another picture that seems to tell the tale better. During the Netherlands celebration, you can clearly see a "player" who is not properly dressed in baseball attire. It took me a minute to realize who this "player" was, but now its clear to me.
The Netherland team went to great lengths to make sure that they were watched over by their God of LIghtning....
I, much like the rest of the baseball world, am shocked by this because the DR sported a fantastic line-up with such big name stars like Jose Reyes from the Mets, David Ortiz from the Red Sox and Miguel "Injection" Tejada from the Astros. The Netherlands on the other hand have Sidney Ponson. Yeah, big fat Sidney Ponson...THAT'S IT!
In the 1st round of the World Baseball Classic, or WBC as ESPN tells me it's called, the Netherlands defeated the Dominican Powerhouse like 3-1 or some shit like that, but they beat them.
So they face them in an elimination match...AND BEAT THEM AGAIN, this time in 11 innings. Well, as I was getting dressed this morning (hi2u), I was watching Sportscenter and realized something was different.
Now, not everyone will be able to see it. In fact, I had to slow down my TV and replay it over and over until I finally saw how the Netherlands beat the Domincan Republic.
For those who didn't see it, the final play was an error by the first baseman as he tried to catch a line-drive and it shot off of his glove, causing the runner at third base to score.
What you are about to see may be one of the most shocking controversies to hit the WBC since A-Rod having an international love affair with Derek Jeter. This picture was captured from my TV, so I apologize if it is in poor quality.
As you can see, Willy Aybar was running for the ball when suddenly a lightning bolt shot down from the sky. Now many may not have seen this as it happened so quick that you needed to stop your TV at the right point.
So why would lightning strike down on the Dominican during a baseball game? Does God hate the Dominican Republic? No.
I did some more searching and found another picture that seems to tell the tale better. During the Netherlands celebration, you can clearly see a "player" who is not properly dressed in baseball attire. It took me a minute to realize who this "player" was, but now its clear to me.
The Netherland team went to great lengths to make sure that they were watched over by their God of LIghtning....THOR!
That's right. The Netherlands went to great lengths to cheat in the World Baseball Classic and summond Thor to provide them with lightning strikes during the game!
These mother fuckers were so desperate for a win that they had to summon THOR TO DEMOLISH WILLIE AYBAR AND THE DOMINCAN REPUBLIC.
As a man of the people, I couldn't allow this to happen. I fired an e-mail to Sidney Ponson and these cheating allegations and got a reply.
"I don't know. Do you need an overweight starting pitcher?"
Watch out teams that play the Netherlands, they now have a God of Lightning on their side!
Fucking cheaters.
These mother fuckers were so desperate for a win that they had to summon THOR TO DEMOLISH WILLIE AYBAR AND THE DOMINCAN REPUBLIC.
As a man of the people, I couldn't allow this to happen. I fired an e-mail to Sidney Ponson and these cheating allegations and got a reply.
"I don't know. Do you need an overweight starting pitcher?"
Watch out teams that play the Netherlands, they now have a God of Lightning on their side!
Fucking cheaters.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
You're telling me you have no change in your car!?!?!?!?!
Yeah, I know...it's been awhile, now shut up and read.
So I go to Lawrence this morning for jury duty...yeah, fucking jury duty. That in itself is a kick in balls, especially because I have to get up earlier to "beat the traffic."
"Make sure you beat the traffic", they say
"There will be a lot of traffic," I hear
"Watch out for the traffic," is said...
So I get up at 6:15am to "beat the traffic", yet all I want to do is beat myself in the face with the frying pan that lies under the sink. So whatever, I get dressed, wake up fiancee (say whaaaaat?) with the light, go into the living to get dressed and I'm on my way...
...to fucking Lawrence...
...for fucking jury duty...
Fast forward, I'm in Lawrence and pull into a parking garage that says 'CASH ONLY', which is fine. I get my ticket and find a spot that is so crammed in, I may need the jaws of life to get the fuck out of my car.
I know I'm a big boy, but seriously, how fucking small are these spaces? I could take a shit and it wouldn't fit in this mother fucker. Maybe it was the piece of shit Mazda that was next to be, raping the yellow line that designates spots...I don't know.
Well at least it wasn't as bad as last week at work when I literally had to get in my passenger side and CLIMB OVER MY FUCKING CENTER CONSOLE because the spots are filling up. But that was kinda funny, I laughed about it, I didn't swear or anything, not like here. I like work, I don't like Lawrence.
Now, some of you may be saying "Greg, what is so bad about Lawrence?" In the short term, EVERYTHING! Want to picture Lawrence? Ok, go home and do this. Build a city out of Legos, Mega Blocks or whatever type of building block you have. Fuck, use Lincoln logs if you have to, that doesn't matter. Now this is the important part:
After you erect this lego city, with the yellow headed people going to their jobs, eat some mexican food and take a hefty diaherreah dump all over it and that's Lawrence.
Trust me, I worked there. It may be the worst place in the world. I would rather take a beating by a spiked bat in the balls every day for the rest of my life then go back to that cesspool.
ANYWAYS...I'm sitting in my car listening to Toucher and Rich because there WASN'T ANY FUCKING TRAFFIC THAT WARRANTED ME LEAVING AT THE ASS CRACK OF THE SUN and I have about an hour to kill before I walk into court.
So I'm looking over my paper work and notice that date of when I have to report...
So I go to Lawrence this morning for jury duty...yeah, fucking jury duty. That in itself is a kick in balls, especially because I have to get up earlier to "beat the traffic."
"Make sure you beat the traffic", they say
"There will be a lot of traffic," I hear
"Watch out for the traffic," is said...
So I get up at 6:15am to "beat the traffic", yet all I want to do is beat myself in the face with the frying pan that lies under the sink. So whatever, I get dressed, wake up fiancee (say whaaaaat?) with the light, go into the living to get dressed and I'm on my way...
...to fucking Lawrence...
...for fucking jury duty...
Fast forward, I'm in Lawrence and pull into a parking garage that says 'CASH ONLY', which is fine. I get my ticket and find a spot that is so crammed in, I may need the jaws of life to get the fuck out of my car.
I know I'm a big boy, but seriously, how fucking small are these spaces? I could take a shit and it wouldn't fit in this mother fucker. Maybe it was the piece of shit Mazda that was next to be, raping the yellow line that designates spots...I don't know.
Well at least it wasn't as bad as last week at work when I literally had to get in my passenger side and CLIMB OVER MY FUCKING CENTER CONSOLE because the spots are filling up. But that was kinda funny, I laughed about it, I didn't swear or anything, not like here. I like work, I don't like Lawrence.
Now, some of you may be saying "Greg, what is so bad about Lawrence?" In the short term, EVERYTHING! Want to picture Lawrence? Ok, go home and do this. Build a city out of Legos, Mega Blocks or whatever type of building block you have. Fuck, use Lincoln logs if you have to, that doesn't matter. Now this is the important part:
After you erect this lego city, with the yellow headed people going to their jobs, eat some mexican food and take a hefty diaherreah dump all over it and that's Lawrence.
Trust me, I worked there. It may be the worst place in the world. I would rather take a beating by a spiked bat in the balls every day for the rest of my life then go back to that cesspool.
ANYWAYS...I'm sitting in my car listening to Toucher and Rich because there WASN'T ANY FUCKING TRAFFIC THAT WARRANTED ME LEAVING AT THE ASS CRACK OF THE SUN and I have about an hour to kill before I walk into court.
So I'm looking over my paper work and notice that date of when I have to report...
JANUARY 28, 2009
WHAT!!?!?$#@(*!*&!&#$!
WHAT!!?!?$#@(*!*&!&#$!
Are you shitting me!?I'm in fucking Lawrence, the epitome of awfulness...FOR NO FUCKING REASON!? After my head exploded a la Scanners, I realized I needed money and need to find a bank...
So I'm walking around downtown Lawrence looking for an ATM, hoping and praying I'm not caught in some gang related drive-by-shooting (but I'm wearing neutral colors, so I should be ok). It's freezing out but I finally find a Bank of America, where I know I'm going to get ass fisted with charges, but don't care.
I take out $20 and proceed back to the parking garage to leave and head to work. I'm in a great mood of course because Fiancee has laughed at me and Boss probably thinks I'm a douche for being so stupid.
SO I'm leaving the parking garage and I pull up to a woman who looks like the kin of Corky from Life Goes On. I hand her my ticket and she tells me...
"1.50"
Yeah, 1.50 for the 15 minutes I parked there. Whatever. I give her my $20 which leads to her looking at me like I have 5 heads. Then this beautiful conversation happens, with her leading of course...
"$20? You don't have a $1.50?"
"No."
"No?"
"No."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I went to the ATM because I don't carry cash on me."
"And all you have is a $20?"
"Yes."
"You don't have any change in your car?"
"No."
"You're telling me you have don't have $1.50 in your car?"
"Yes, I don't have $1.50, now give me my change so I can get the fuck outta here and go to work"
What the fuck is wrong with her? Do I have $1.50? Yes, lady I do, but I'm such an asshole that I want to give you a $20 so you have to actually count out the change. I want to make your life worse than it probably already is, so I gave you a fucking $20 bill instead of the magical $1.50 I have sitting here right besides me.
Do you think I really want $18.50 in change!? Does it give me some sort of sick pleasure knowing that I made your day awful because you had to actually count out $18.50 when I had $1.50 sitting here, looking at you, taunting you.
NO I DONT HAVE A FUCKING $1.50, IF I HAD A FUCKING $1.50, I'D GIVE IT TO YOU SO YOU WOULD SHUT UP AND I WOULDN'T HAVE TO HAVE SUCH A STUPID FUCKING CONVERSATION WITH YOU...
and I get to do this all again next Wednesday because I'm a fucking idiot...
Eat me Lawrence.
So I'm walking around downtown Lawrence looking for an ATM, hoping and praying I'm not caught in some gang related drive-by-shooting (but I'm wearing neutral colors, so I should be ok). It's freezing out but I finally find a Bank of America, where I know I'm going to get ass fisted with charges, but don't care.
I take out $20 and proceed back to the parking garage to leave and head to work. I'm in a great mood of course because Fiancee has laughed at me and Boss probably thinks I'm a douche for being so stupid.
SO I'm leaving the parking garage and I pull up to a woman who looks like the kin of Corky from Life Goes On. I hand her my ticket and she tells me...
"1.50"
Yeah, 1.50 for the 15 minutes I parked there. Whatever. I give her my $20 which leads to her looking at me like I have 5 heads. Then this beautiful conversation happens, with her leading of course...
"$20? You don't have a $1.50?"
"No."
"No?"
"No."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I went to the ATM because I don't carry cash on me."
"And all you have is a $20?"
"Yes."
"You don't have any change in your car?"
"No."
"You're telling me you have don't have $1.50 in your car?"
"Yes, I don't have $1.50, now give me my change so I can get the fuck outta here and go to work"
What the fuck is wrong with her? Do I have $1.50? Yes, lady I do, but I'm such an asshole that I want to give you a $20 so you have to actually count out the change. I want to make your life worse than it probably already is, so I gave you a fucking $20 bill instead of the magical $1.50 I have sitting here right besides me.
Do you think I really want $18.50 in change!? Does it give me some sort of sick pleasure knowing that I made your day awful because you had to actually count out $18.50 when I had $1.50 sitting here, looking at you, taunting you.
NO I DONT HAVE A FUCKING $1.50, IF I HAD A FUCKING $1.50, I'D GIVE IT TO YOU SO YOU WOULD SHUT UP AND I WOULDN'T HAVE TO HAVE SUCH A STUPID FUCKING CONVERSATION WITH YOU...
and I get to do this all again next Wednesday because I'm a fucking idiot...
Eat me Lawrence.
Friday, January 2, 2009
Yes, I'm a gaming nerd!
ok, my favorite games of 2008... (these are in no particular order btw)
1. NCAA Football 2009 - In my eyes, this is EA's best football game around, way better than Madden. The college style seems to be either love it or hate it, but this game will make you love it. They have all 119 Division 1 teams, a more fluid playing style than 08 and they have upped the college atmosphere. This was easily a first day buy for me.
2. NHL 09 - This game is awesome, especially online. EASHL, with a team you enjoy playing with (like I have) is one of my favorite things to play online. The offline modes are great as well, especially Be A Pro. Though I do find BAP boring at times, I feel that it will revolutionize this franchise in a year or two. Again, the BAP is much better than Madden's superstar mode (I fucking hate Madden now), and is only in it's first year. A fantastic game, but the cheesers online do make the online mode tough to swallow at times.
3. Gears of War 2 - Unbelievable. Period. I was sucked into the storyline more this time around than last. My brother and I couldn't put it down. The feel, the emotion, all of it you experienced with the characters. Online mode, in my eyes, sucks. Outside of Horde, this game isn't fun at all online. Unless its a private party, you won't find me playing it online (again, unless its Horde).
4. Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare - I didn't put this game down for months, especially at night. One of the best game of 2008 in my opinion. First, it really made the Call Of Duty series different because it was finally modernized and made war relevant to our times. Then, Infinity Ward put out new guns, new scopes and overall new weaponry that made the game seem more realistic. The online mode shines in this game though. I always ran with a party of 4 or more and we had a great time. Hardcore mode made the game more challenging, but it was more realistic. No online achievements also made the game better because you didn't have people asking for achievement matches (hello Halo 3).
5. Rock Band 2 - If I was ranking my favorites, Rock Band 2 would be 1st, and by a long shot! Rock Band 2 brings new instruments, new game modes and new songs to the Rock Band franchise. After having 500+ available downloadable content (DLC), an AC/DC track pack that can be exported to the game and 55 songs that can be exported from Rock Band 1, this game is easily the greatest party game to be created. The new instruments are cool looking, work well (I only have the new drums) and are cross compatible with other games in the music genre. Honestly, the best game of the year.
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