I wake up this morning to a blistering headache, get myself ready for work and head to wipe the white devil off of my car. So with an arm full of lunch, shirt and stuffed animal for Child, I make it to the car slip free...This is where the fucking problem begins.
I begin to wipe the snow off of my car, dropping piles of snow on the sidewalk. For those of you who don't know my neighborhood, we have a catholic school across the street and this was the time that the parents were dropping their kids off.
Yeah, you already know where this is going...
So I'm clearing off my car, almost done, and this asshole in a fucking SUV comes ripping down the street after dropping off his two shitheads. As he passes me, the slush from the ground soaks my clothes. Seriously. It was like I took a bath in the street. My pants look like I fucking pissed myself after drinking 14 gallons of water.
So I'm standing there in my pseudo-piss soaked pants waving the guy down with two middle fingers and a shower of swears. I finally resorted to little kid bullshit...snowball at the car.
BAM! This assholes car gets hit with a snow ball and he immediately stops and gets out of his car. He looks at the snowball then looks at me, like I fucking did something wrong here and not him. I go walking over to him all pissed off and this is how the conversation went.
Guy: What did you do
Me: What did I do, what the fuck is wrong with you?
Guy: What?
Me: Look at my fucking pants! You fucking soaked me.
Guy: No I didn't, that could've come from anywhere
Me: Yeah, I fucking pissed myself. You jerkoff, why are you driving down the street that fast anyways, there are fucking kids going to school.
Guy: Do you have a problem?
Me: Yeah I have a problem, you're an asshole!
To which the guy laughed and got back into his car and drove off.
Now its shit like that, that really pisses me off. If I was to put a bat through this guy's windshield, I'm in the wrong, but why? Many people will say, because you damaged his property and now it will cost him money.
Well hold the phone...yeah...HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE HERE MAUDE! This degenerate soaks me, which means I have to go back upstairs, rummage through my clothes to find something work appropriate and then go to work. If time = money then this asshole cost me about 7 dollars because I was fucking late.
Yes, there is a mathematical equation that actually proves it was 7 dollars, however, I don't feel like doing it out. Plus I don't think you guys care enough.
But think about it. Where has the human decency done, especially in this "time of giving", that you fucking soak someone and don't even apologize. This is exactly why I fucking hate Christmas too, because it is a cover-up of everyone's emotions. I'll get to more of that at a different time, but here is a quick blurb.
Everyone around Christmas time suddenly becomes cheery, wholesome and good, but where is that shit in say...March? In March everyone is just crabby, bitchy and plain ole horrible to one another. If it was Christmas time and you slipped on something, you'd get up and keep going because you have egg nog in your blood and a tune in your step, but if it's fucking March and its cold out, if you slip, you're looking for a lawyer. It's bullshit.
You're bullshit, all of you! SELF INCLUDED!
I hope this guy gets in a fucking car accident and breaks his nose when the air bg deploys. Yeah, I'm writing it and I'm fucking sticking to it. I hope he comes home and finds his wife getting railed by a large black man named Jamal who just got out of prison. I hope his kids realize how much of an asshole he is. I hope his dog pisses on his bed tonight.
I wish harm on him and no one else but him.
Fuck you man in the SUV that got me soaking wet this morning, because of you, I have wet fucking pants at home.
Yes, this is what I looked like after too.
Merry fucking Christmas you assholes.
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