Seriously people, learn to fucking drive

Ok, I'm not really sure if I'll get the funny aspect out today because I've come to the realization that most of the human race needs to be wiped off the face of the Earth. You know what, if I was the last person alive and I had to re-populate this planet, I would probably just throw myself into a volcano or something.

I've had it up to my eyeballs with people. First the asshole who splashed me a couple of days ago and now its people driving WHEN THE WEATHER ISNT EVEN FUCKING BAD OUT! Maybe its just my current mood, maybe its just that I spent 20+ minutes trying to scrape my car clean of ice, maybe its the fact I needed to dump hot water on my car doors then use a shovel to pry them open this morning...I'm not sure.

So I take 20 minutes to chip away at the block of ice known as my vehicle, people are driving around as I pound away, and just staring at me. Does anyone offer help? Nah, why would they? But fuck it, I don't expect anyone to offer any means of help, so I go back to pounding away.

Now where I parked, it is kind of on a hill. At this point, I'm done beating the shit off of my windshield and ready to go to the surgeons to find out if I need to be cut open. So, I get stuck on the fucking hill, no problem though right? Right. I can just go in reverse and exit out a different...oh wait. No I can't. Some asshole is right behind me and wont go in reverse. So I pretty much tell him to fuck off, yelling out of my window and he finally goes in reverse.

I FINALLY get going and hit Elliot St to head to route 128. THE FUCKING TRAIN COMES! Yeah, the fucking dingy things start going off and the bar lowers as to say 'stop a train is coming'. First off, why the fucking bar? Is someone going to drive, see the train and stop on the tracks? What is this an 1880 silent film? And secondly, before anyone says 'Well stupid, its so they wont get hit by the train', well if you fucking stupid enough to drive on the train tracks when you hear those things dinging and see them flashing, you deserve to be impaled by a moving piece of machinery.

After a good 20 minutes, I get on to the highway and, oh wait, there is an accident. Needless to say, I never made it to my doctor's appointment.

But here is the real problem, why do people get so fucking retarded when there is snow or ice on the ground? I couldn't hit 60 on the highway because people, what, scared of melting ice? I don't get it. Grow a set and learn to fucking drive! Seriously, its moments like this where I believe driving with a set of live grenades should be allowed.

Drive like an asshole? Boom, grenade on the hood of your car
Driving like an old lady? Bam, grenade threw the open window

Now you may miss and hit the car behind you, but that's a casualty I'm willing to allow happen. Think about it, how many people would drive better knowing someone is sitting in their car, waiting to annihilate you with live grenades? Shit, I know I would.

And it wouldn't be everybody who is allowed to use this program because then it would just turn into a grenade flinging shitfest and we'd be exactly where we were but with more death.

It would be a strict guideline, basically I'd just give them out to my friends. Be my friend, get a box of live grenades.



Think about it, you're driving along and someone is driving 45 on the highway. Throw a grenade in their car and get out of the way. Who does that hurt? Not you. In fact, it would be like my flamethrower idea at the movie theater. Sure there would be problems in the beginning, but eventually people would get used to it and order would be restored.



Merry Christmas asshole, learn to drive