Do you always find yourself waiting in long lines? Are you tired of waiting at the bank while the old woman in the front counts her rolls of pennies? Sick of waiting for the newest electronic to come out? Do you see red whenever you are up at 3:30am to wait outside of Wal-Mart for Black Friday?
Well go buy a lottery ticket because today is your lucky day! I come to you all, my readers who are sick of waiting, with a great new business that will not only cut your waiting time, but will also allow the homeless to make some money as well!
I call it RENT-A-BUM!
That's right, Rent-A-Bum, a break through innovation in the world of homeless exploitation. Did I say exploitation, I meant homeless employment.
Our business is one of a kind. You come into the Rent-A-Bum office and speak with one of our trained employees. They will take down your name, information and what your homeless person will be waiting in line for and for how long...that's it! You pay us a flat rate of $75 per day/per homeless person. They could stand in line for 12 hours and its only $75 (per day/per homeless person).
Think about it. You want a new iPhone for lil billy sonofabitch, but you dread waking up at 3am on tuesday to wait for it when it comes out on friday. Well now you don't have to!
We have a 100% guarantee that your homeless person will never leave his or her spot while they wait in line for you!
Tired of being bothered by stinky homeless and reading their oft hilarious signs? So are we! Put them to work by doing what they do best, sitting in one spot for extended periods of time! Goodbye Christmas shopping blue, hello rum-fill eggnog!
You don't even have to drop the homeless person off, we take care of it for you!
If you are interested please call 555-BUMZ to make an appointment!
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