I Carry A Gun To Be Cool, Yet I Shot Myself In My Leg

I don't know which of my readers follow sports. If you don't, you're about to read about sports, so you may want to turn back. If you do, you've already heard that Giants WR Plaxico Burress was shot in the leg on Friday night.

Oh man, another professional athlete gunned down because someone was jealous of him and his millions of dollars?

Nope.

Plax was shot in the leg BY HIMSELF!

Oh yeah, you heard it right.

So apparently Plaxico was at a club in New York called the Latin Quarter, with a gun, and something happened which alarmed him and made him grab his gun. The Super Bowl winning wide receiver (WR if you didn't realize it earlier) fumbled around for his piece and shot himself.

He fucking shot himself in the leg!

Immediately I thought of the YouTube video where the cop shoots himself while talking to the class, so here it is for anyone who has never viewed it.



But that is besides the point.

I don't get professional athletes man. I don't get these guys at all. First off, if you play the right sport (basically any big name sports outside of hockey), you can make A LOT of money by being average. Players know this and they are due for whatever is coming to them in terms of monetary compensation. What I don't agree with is how greedy these fucking people are. This of course is a discussion for another time.

Now, most professional athletes aren't bad people and they do a lot of good for the community, but there is always that player that will fuck everything up for the group of athletes. Look at the track record.

Pacman Jones started a riot in a Las Vegas club. This asshole "made it rain", then decided to take out his gun and paralyze some guy.

Stephen Jackson of the Indiana Pacers shoots a gun in the air 4 or 5 times at a strip club.

Plaxico Burress at a club, shoots himself in the leg

And the thing is, there are more that I am forgetting and don't care to look up.

But what I am trying to say is this:

You are a professional athlete and you make a SHITLOAD of money, get a shitload of pussy and enjoy benefits that I, or my readers, may never have in their entire lifetime.

All of this prestige brings jealousy. Jealousy brings out bad decisions. Why would you allow yourself to be put in the situation where you need to bring a gun to a club just in case something happens?

Does it make any sense? When does the thought Hey, I have to bring a loaded weapon here, maybe its not a good idea ever come into play? I mean, Jesus Christ use your fucking head once in a while.

And why aren't these guys being prosecuted? They don't have gun licenses, yet they are able to walk off because they can shoot a basketball, catch a football or hit a baseball. If they were the same person living in the hood of Oakland, they'd be in jail faster than you can blink.

Its a fact. So I am going to diplomatically write a letter to every professional athlete out there, hoping that one of them gets lost and finds this blog.

Dear Professional Athlete,

My name is Greg and I am a 25 year old avid lover of sports. I watch your trade on a daily basis, but I have a gripe with what you do. Now, please don't take my words out of context and this certainly doesn't have to do with all of you.

I feel that you, the professional athlete, are very good at what you do, but I feel as a human being you are a fucking retard. I am surprised that most of you can read and/or write and I am surprised that you can get out of bed in the morning.

What doesn't surprise me is that when you retire from your trade, you eventually file for bankruptcy (Hey Latrell!) or end up doing some shitty promotions to make end's meat.

You're not the brightest bulb in the human tree and we know this. You like to feel like a gangster, run around with a posse and get on the mic to rap or whatever it is you do.

I hope that in the future, when you go out to the club to drink that bottle full of bub, you realize that if you need to bring a loaded weapon, it may not be a good idea. If you do bring a loaded weapon to a club and feel the need to discharge it, please shove the barrel into your mouth and THEN pull the trigger.

It is only then, professional athlete, that we can smile because another moron has bit the dust.

Love,
Greg

Hey Kobe, how's my ass taste?

Someone please eradicate these people

So by now we all know about Black Friday here in America. It is a time where you can go out and find some pretty good, if not great, deals on pretty much everything. I don't know if any of my readers go out there, but to each his own right?

Now, this isn't directed towards every person who ventures out in the wee morning hours seeking sweet deals and hot prices, oh no. This is directed at those people who go out on Black Friday and act like immature, psychopathic people who've had hot irons shoved directly up their ass.

Case in point:

On TBN, a hockey forum I've been a member of for over 8 years now (and other "family sites"), there was a thread with a video at a Wal-Mart about people fighting over an Xbox 360.

Fighting over an XBox bundle

There's the video. Click, watch, laugh. That's what I did, but then I thought about it. How fucked in the head do you have to be to rush into a Wal-Mart and like a heat-seeking missile, throw people out of your way for an XBox?

Look at the people grabbing, yanking, pulling and ripping things out of each others hands. The guy with the camera is laughing as well as he should be. Look at those fucking people.

It's insanity!

But this one really pissed me off:

Wal-Mart worker dies on Black Friday

So this poor bastard who is temporary help at wal-Mart gets stampeded to death because these degenerate vultures rushed the doors at like 4am in the morning.

Let me state this again:

A FUCKING GUY WAS STAMPEDED BY HUMAN BEINGS BECAUSE THEY WANTED EARLY DEALS

How fucked up is this? How can you not hear someone screaming as you crush his skull with your shoe? I can barely walk straight without tripping over my feet, but yet people can hurdle a downed man to save 5 dollars on some shitty CD w/ no swears in it?

Unreal.

But of course, nothing will be done with it.

This family will grieve and Wal-mart will paint a fucking smiley face on his casket and tomorrow everyone will go about stuffing their faces with left overs.

So what should happen if Wal-Mart, Target, Sears and other stores start employing armed security at their doors. I don't even mean armed in the sense of guns (which would be nice), but even a fucking cattle prod. You'd hear outcry throughout the fucking streets, people complaining that they took 20,000 volts or so because they're acting like a bunch of rabid monkeys.

How fucking insensitive are people to just rush a Wal-Mart to save some money?

These people need to herded into a crate and set on fire. Fucked up right? Not as fucked up as people stomping some guy to death because we was doing them a service by opening the store.

If you have ever knocked someone out of the way for something, pushed someone down for a toy, grabbed something out of someone's hand, you deserve to be bashed in the teeth with a cock dripping with gonorrhea.

Merry Christmas to all right?

Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving everyone

ESPN + Lebron James = Overhyped Piece of Shit

So this morning I'm getting ready for work and naturally I have ESPN Sports Center on the TV to have my daily catch up of what I missed in the sports world.

Anyway, I'm watching them go over some highlights of the Cavs/Knicks game and IMMEDIATELY talk about Lebron James becoming a free agent and his possible move to the New York Knicks.

Here is the problem with that:

HE IS NOT A FREE AGENT UNTIL 2010!!

What the fuck ESPN. Do you really think we care where Lebron James may end up in 2 years? IN TWO YEARS!? Anything can happen in two years. He can break his leg, he can break his face, he could wound up getting shot outside some club and die, and you're already doing a story on him now?

Where is KG's story because his free agency is up in 4 more years? What about Paul Pierce who is done in 3?

Oh wait, its Lebron James.

I forgot.

Its a guy who shouldn't have won the rookie of the year because Carmello Anthony had better numbers than him. Its a guy who cries whenever he is touched, but will then cry when he commits a foul and its called. Its a guy who will alley-oop all day but refuses to pass to his teammates.

I know "King" James is the all mighty, but why? What has he done that makes him a special player?

NOTHING!

Where is his NBA Championship ring? Where is his Larry O'Brien trophy?

Stop shoving Lebron James up our ass and down our throats. Stop taking your fan base for granted as a bunch of fucking idiots who can't remember that he's a UFA in 2010. Stop running three segments in a 1 hour show dedicated to Lebron James and his potential signing with the New York Knicks.

Yes you heard me.

This morning they had 3 segments about him playing for the Knicks and how special it would be and how alive the Garden would be and blah blah blah blah blah. OH BUT WAIT, Jay-Z is a partial owner of the NETS! STORY TIME AGAIN!

Its ridiculous and its a pain to have to listen to the same shit over and over from a company that spews as much bullshit as ESPN.

Don't get my wrong, I love ESPN. College football, Monday night football, Sports Center, PTI...all some good shit, but when they do moves like this it reeks of douchebagery!

Hello, I can't pay my heating bill, here's $306 billion dollars =)

So I got a big fucking problem with the US government's bail out program. Who the fuck thought it was a good idea to give the CitiGroup $306 billion dollars to bail them out? Why is that a good fucking idea? We're the ones paying it out!! Us, the tax payer, Mr. Joey and Mary Sonofabitch who work a combined 95 hours a week and can barely afford rent/mortgage payments, rising food costs and rising heating bills.

So instead of pumping $306 billion back into the economy, we have to bail out this corporation, the same corporation who has $2 TRILLION in assets, the same company who just bought baseball park naming rights for the New York Mets (for $20 million [thank you Greg Gross]) and we are bailing them out?

I have a better idea...ok, wait for this, because its epic:

STOP SPENDING YOUR FUCKING MONEY!

It's common business practice or maybe just common sense that when you are running low on money, you stop spending it.

This also is for GM and Ford, who is recording record losses. Well here is an idea, take a look at the spending habits of your customers. After you do some research on something other than marketing, take a look at which brands are failing. Once you find the failing brand, an example can be Hummer for GM, you sell it off to a company who can take the product and run with it.

Think about it GM. You sell Cadillac or Hummer to an American company that can solely focus on it and make it profitable, all the while, you're reaping the benefits of selling that brand AND profiting from the brands that normally do well.

It makes no sense to have 5 different brands making the same car under a different name. All you are doing is wasting production hours and wasting money on a product that doesn't sell well.

But what the hell do I know? All I know is my taxes are going to be raised and my tax money is going to go right down the shitter to a company that will just shove interest rates up my ass.

Good fucking economy we have.

Oh, and when these assholes have to pay us back, how about we hit them with a 29% interest rate so they can feel exactly what the average American feels.

What a fucking joke this country has become.

No One Cares About Your BF/GF

Ok, this may come off really horribly, but fuck it.

I'm writing this to tell those who constantly talk about their boyfriend/girlfriend that no one, not even your parents, give a shit about your significant other. Trust me. No one wants to hear every little pathetic detail in your life when it comes to the two of you.

"He won't pick me up." wahhhhhhh
"Drive me cuz he lives far away" wahhhhhh
"She want to talk about feelings and not have sex" wahhhhhhh

Here is a little idea that I have for you:

A) Shut the fuck up
B) Break up with him/her

It is literally that simple. No longer should family/friends/acquaintances have to sit wherever they are sitting so you can complain about how bad your significant other is, how fucked up your situation is, how much you love him/her etc.

Think about it. DO you want to listen when people begin to bitch about their life? 9 times out of 10 its a no, and the one person who says yes is just some asshole looking for drama to fill up their own shitty lives.

So in conclusion, stop making every conversation about how aggravated you are at your significant other because no one gives a shit.

You'd be better off trying to 69 with a Grizzly Bear.