MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Enjoy these for a laugh:
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
I Chime In With Havent You People Ever Heard Of Shutting The *censored* Damn Door?
Wait WHAT!?
Yeah, this was my reaction last night when listening to this shitty song on the radio. Ok, time to set the scene. Last night I was stuck in Girlfriend's car on our way to a "roomie get together" and in assloads upon assloads of traffic.
We're listening to some shitty pop music station when Panic At The Disco comes on. OK, I'll admit it, when I Write Sins, Not Tragedies came out, I actually liked it. Fucked up right?
So last night, amidst the constant pounding of Britney Spears, Rihanna and that shitty pop music where the singer goes with the robotic voice effect (HOW MANY FUCKING SONGS ARE GOING TO USE THIS!?)
Anyways, I'm listening to the song, singing it to avoid jumping out of the car in the deadlock fucking traffic (in which grenades would've been helpful), and suddenly the chorus comes in:
I chime in with haven't you people ever heard of shutting the goddamn door no?
Only wait, the term god is fucking censored.
Are you serious? You really had to censor the word god? Why? Is someone going to get offended in the term goddamn? ITS ONE FUCKING WORD!
And this is what I don't get. This song is a microcosm of everything wrong with society. Since when did we become such a PC nation where we censor the term "god" in one stance, but allow the same station to sing about being loved by mouth? Its fucking ridiculous.
To much now a-days do I hear people spewing bullshit that they are offended. Well you know what sir or ma'am, fuck you. If you have the right to be offended, I have the right to offend you, and I'll stick to that right as much as I want.
Think about it. No longer do we say 'Merry Christmas' or 'Happy Hanukkah', we say 'Happy Holidays' so everyone can feel all warm and fuzzy inside. So no one gets picked on in school. So no one is offended that their holiday isn't #1. Well I celebrate Christmas, so I will continue to say merry Christmas. If you don't like it, fuck off. Smile and leave. Don't make a big deal about it. If someone came up to be and said "Shalom, Happy Hanukkah young man" I'd smile and say 'The same to you sir' because I don't give a shit. I'm not Jewish, nor will I have Jewish children, but I wouldn't be up in arms about it. I wouldn't piss on some guys Menorah and say 'fuck you its christmas blahhhh'.
And what's this shit about calling a Christmas Tree a holiday tree? If i hear someone call it a holiday tree, i'm going to smash a glass ornament over their head. That's bullshit. Fine, call it a holiday tree. Fuck it, everything has to be holidayized now:
Christmas tree = holiday tree
menorah = holiday candelabra
dradle = holiday top
christmas presents = holiday gifts
christmas = holidaymas
Hanukkah = 8 days of holiday
See how fucking stupid you people will sound.
People need to stop being so fucking uptight with life. Why is it ok for a song to talk about infidelity, sex and drugs, but on the SAME STATION its not ok to say the word god? Does anyone see the fucking hypocrisy in this?
And this all boils down to the FCC, but I'm not going that route just yet. It'll take way to much time to write it all down.
Seriously, how many times are people going to beat around the bush so others won't be offended by what they say? It offends me that I can't offend anyone else. It offends me that I have to change what I do because someone has a problem with it.
It pisses me off that I can't go to a baseball game at Fenway Park and swear because a child may hear me, or I get a seat in the "family section" and can't drink a beer. Yeah, these things happen because morons have complained.
Well you know what people, fuck you. I paid good money to sit in this shitty wooden seat, I'll swear and drink all I want. I don't care if your child has never heard the term fuck before, it is my right as an American to freedom of speech.
This is why I've given up on American society. Why can't you just explain to your child that the man uses naughty language? Why can't you just tell them that this what grown-ups say? Why can't the parent get the person's attention and politely ask them to shut their face?
I don't fucking get people at all. Has our society become such pussies that they can't handle someone swearing? Can't handle being offended?
Fuck me
I'm moving to Antarctica, penguins don't give a fuck
Happy Holidaymas and Have a good 8 days of Holiday. I hope your fucking holiday candelabra burns down your holiday tree.
Yeah, this was my reaction last night when listening to this shitty song on the radio. Ok, time to set the scene. Last night I was stuck in Girlfriend's car on our way to a "roomie get together" and in assloads upon assloads of traffic.
We're listening to some shitty pop music station when Panic At The Disco comes on. OK, I'll admit it, when I Write Sins, Not Tragedies came out, I actually liked it. Fucked up right?
So last night, amidst the constant pounding of Britney Spears, Rihanna and that shitty pop music where the singer goes with the robotic voice effect (HOW MANY FUCKING SONGS ARE GOING TO USE THIS!?)
Anyways, I'm listening to the song, singing it to avoid jumping out of the car in the deadlock fucking traffic (in which grenades would've been helpful), and suddenly the chorus comes in:
I chime in with haven't you people ever heard of shutting the goddamn door no?
Only wait, the term god is fucking censored.
Are you serious? You really had to censor the word god? Why? Is someone going to get offended in the term goddamn? ITS ONE FUCKING WORD!
And this is what I don't get. This song is a microcosm of everything wrong with society. Since when did we become such a PC nation where we censor the term "god" in one stance, but allow the same station to sing about being loved by mouth? Its fucking ridiculous.
To much now a-days do I hear people spewing bullshit that they are offended. Well you know what sir or ma'am, fuck you. If you have the right to be offended, I have the right to offend you, and I'll stick to that right as much as I want.
Think about it. No longer do we say 'Merry Christmas' or 'Happy Hanukkah', we say 'Happy Holidays' so everyone can feel all warm and fuzzy inside. So no one gets picked on in school. So no one is offended that their holiday isn't #1. Well I celebrate Christmas, so I will continue to say merry Christmas. If you don't like it, fuck off. Smile and leave. Don't make a big deal about it. If someone came up to be and said "Shalom, Happy Hanukkah young man" I'd smile and say 'The same to you sir' because I don't give a shit. I'm not Jewish, nor will I have Jewish children, but I wouldn't be up in arms about it. I wouldn't piss on some guys Menorah and say 'fuck you its christmas blahhhh'.
And what's this shit about calling a Christmas Tree a holiday tree? If i hear someone call it a holiday tree, i'm going to smash a glass ornament over their head. That's bullshit. Fine, call it a holiday tree. Fuck it, everything has to be holidayized now:
Christmas tree = holiday tree
menorah = holiday candelabra
dradle = holiday top
christmas presents = holiday gifts
christmas = holidaymas
Hanukkah = 8 days of holiday
See how fucking stupid you people will sound.
People need to stop being so fucking uptight with life. Why is it ok for a song to talk about infidelity, sex and drugs, but on the SAME STATION its not ok to say the word god? Does anyone see the fucking hypocrisy in this?
And this all boils down to the FCC, but I'm not going that route just yet. It'll take way to much time to write it all down.
Seriously, how many times are people going to beat around the bush so others won't be offended by what they say? It offends me that I can't offend anyone else. It offends me that I have to change what I do because someone has a problem with it.
It pisses me off that I can't go to a baseball game at Fenway Park and swear because a child may hear me, or I get a seat in the "family section" and can't drink a beer. Yeah, these things happen because morons have complained.
Well you know what people, fuck you. I paid good money to sit in this shitty wooden seat, I'll swear and drink all I want. I don't care if your child has never heard the term fuck before, it is my right as an American to freedom of speech.
This is why I've given up on American society. Why can't you just explain to your child that the man uses naughty language? Why can't you just tell them that this what grown-ups say? Why can't the parent get the person's attention and politely ask them to shut their face?
I don't fucking get people at all. Has our society become such pussies that they can't handle someone swearing? Can't handle being offended?
Fuck me
I'm moving to Antarctica, penguins don't give a fuck
Happy Holidaymas and Have a good 8 days of Holiday. I hope your fucking holiday candelabra burns down your holiday tree.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Seriously people, learn to fucking drive
Ok, I'm not really sure if I'll get the funny aspect out today because I've come to the realization that most of the human race needs to be wiped off the face of the Earth. You know what, if I was the last person alive and I had to re-populate this planet, I would probably just throw myself into a volcano or something.
I've had it up to my eyeballs with people. First the asshole who splashed me a couple of days ago and now its people driving WHEN THE WEATHER ISNT EVEN FUCKING BAD OUT! Maybe its just my current mood, maybe its just that I spent 20+ minutes trying to scrape my car clean of ice, maybe its the fact I needed to dump hot water on my car doors then use a shovel to pry them open this morning...I'm not sure.
So I take 20 minutes to chip away at the block of ice known as my vehicle, people are driving around as I pound away, and just staring at me. Does anyone offer help? Nah, why would they? But fuck it, I don't expect anyone to offer any means of help, so I go back to pounding away.
Now where I parked, it is kind of on a hill. At this point, I'm done beating the shit off of my windshield and ready to go to the surgeons to find out if I need to be cut open. So, I get stuck on the fucking hill, no problem though right? Right. I can just go in reverse and exit out a different...oh wait. No I can't. Some asshole is right behind me and wont go in reverse. So I pretty much tell him to fuck off, yelling out of my window and he finally goes in reverse.
I FINALLY get going and hit Elliot St to head to route 128. THE FUCKING TRAIN COMES! Yeah, the fucking dingy things start going off and the bar lowers as to say 'stop a train is coming'. First off, why the fucking bar? Is someone going to drive, see the train and stop on the tracks? What is this an 1880 silent film? And secondly, before anyone says 'Well stupid, its so they wont get hit by the train', well if you fucking stupid enough to drive on the train tracks when you hear those things dinging and see them flashing, you deserve to be impaled by a moving piece of machinery.
After a good 20 minutes, I get on to the highway and, oh wait, there is an accident. Needless to say, I never made it to my doctor's appointment.
But here is the real problem, why do people get so fucking retarded when there is snow or ice on the ground? I couldn't hit 60 on the highway because people, what, scared of melting ice? I don't get it. Grow a set and learn to fucking drive! Seriously, its moments like this where I believe driving with a set of live grenades should be allowed.
Drive like an asshole? Boom, grenade on the hood of your car
Driving like an old lady? Bam, grenade threw the open window
Now you may miss and hit the car behind you, but that's a casualty I'm willing to allow happen. Think about it, how many people would drive better knowing someone is sitting in their car, waiting to annihilate you with live grenades? Shit, I know I would.
And it wouldn't be everybody who is allowed to use this program because then it would just turn into a grenade flinging shitfest and we'd be exactly where we were but with more death.
It would be a strict guideline, basically I'd just give them out to my friends. Be my friend, get a box of live grenades.
Think about it, you're driving along and someone is driving 45 on the highway. Throw a grenade in their car and get out of the way. Who does that hurt? Not you. In fact, it would be like my flamethrower idea at the movie theater. Sure there would be problems in the beginning, but eventually people would get used to it and order would be restored.
Merry Christmas asshole, learn to drive
I've had it up to my eyeballs with people. First the asshole who splashed me a couple of days ago and now its people driving WHEN THE WEATHER ISNT EVEN FUCKING BAD OUT! Maybe its just my current mood, maybe its just that I spent 20+ minutes trying to scrape my car clean of ice, maybe its the fact I needed to dump hot water on my car doors then use a shovel to pry them open this morning...I'm not sure.
So I take 20 minutes to chip away at the block of ice known as my vehicle, people are driving around as I pound away, and just staring at me. Does anyone offer help? Nah, why would they? But fuck it, I don't expect anyone to offer any means of help, so I go back to pounding away.
Now where I parked, it is kind of on a hill. At this point, I'm done beating the shit off of my windshield and ready to go to the surgeons to find out if I need to be cut open. So, I get stuck on the fucking hill, no problem though right? Right. I can just go in reverse and exit out a different...oh wait. No I can't. Some asshole is right behind me and wont go in reverse. So I pretty much tell him to fuck off, yelling out of my window and he finally goes in reverse.
I FINALLY get going and hit Elliot St to head to route 128. THE FUCKING TRAIN COMES! Yeah, the fucking dingy things start going off and the bar lowers as to say 'stop a train is coming'. First off, why the fucking bar? Is someone going to drive, see the train and stop on the tracks? What is this an 1880 silent film? And secondly, before anyone says 'Well stupid, its so they wont get hit by the train', well if you fucking stupid enough to drive on the train tracks when you hear those things dinging and see them flashing, you deserve to be impaled by a moving piece of machinery.
After a good 20 minutes, I get on to the highway and, oh wait, there is an accident. Needless to say, I never made it to my doctor's appointment.
But here is the real problem, why do people get so fucking retarded when there is snow or ice on the ground? I couldn't hit 60 on the highway because people, what, scared of melting ice? I don't get it. Grow a set and learn to fucking drive! Seriously, its moments like this where I believe driving with a set of live grenades should be allowed.
Drive like an asshole? Boom, grenade on the hood of your car
Driving like an old lady? Bam, grenade threw the open window
Now you may miss and hit the car behind you, but that's a casualty I'm willing to allow happen. Think about it, how many people would drive better knowing someone is sitting in their car, waiting to annihilate you with live grenades? Shit, I know I would.
And it wouldn't be everybody who is allowed to use this program because then it would just turn into a grenade flinging shitfest and we'd be exactly where we were but with more death.
It would be a strict guideline, basically I'd just give them out to my friends. Be my friend, get a box of live grenades.
Think about it, you're driving along and someone is driving 45 on the highway. Throw a grenade in their car and get out of the way. Who does that hurt? Not you. In fact, it would be like my flamethrower idea at the movie theater. Sure there would be problems in the beginning, but eventually people would get used to it and order would be restored.
Merry Christmas asshole, learn to drive
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Lifestyles of the rich and the....douchey?
Can I ask someone a question? It will be a little complex and confusing to answer and it will most likely bring some of you to your knees weeping for forgiveness.
HOW THE FUCK ARE THE PEOPLE FROM THE HILL FAMOUS!?!?!?!
Someone please tell me how these rich assholes became famous. Is it because mommy and daddy make a lot of money?
I know it can't be on their personalities and their education. This may be the dumbest group of people I've ever had the displeasure of trying to sleep through. Yeah, you heard me, this shit goes on my TV @ 11 or randomly on a Saturday and I want to jump out the fucking window. I want to piss hateful words in the snow because of this show.
I'm not "down" with all of the people of the hill or the oc or whatever fucking show they were on. All I know are the people in the commercials, like hiedi, spencer and that chick lc.
I used to be an avid listener to Toucher and Rich, but sadly they moved to mornings and it was all over for me. Anywho, they had a bracket of the biggest douchebag and that guy spencer was on there. He had a clip stating 'I'll never go to a club for under $100,000'.
WHAT?! Who the fuck made you so important that you can demand where you'll go and how much money you'll go there for? Let me add to that statement as well. Who the fuck wants you? You're the epitome of douchebag. If you looked up douchebag, this picture would probably be there:
Yeah I know. Just looking at that picture makes me pissed off.
Now, I hope someone comes across this and says
'Wow blog master, you must be real jealous of this guy.'
Hardly. If I was him, I'd be hanging from a noose that's hooked on to the base of the ceiling fan trying to play 'lets kick the out the chair'.
So why am I so pissed off that these kids, specifically spencer, are famous? Because they haven't done anything. All they do is sit around their house, talking on their blackberry, and sitting around some more. What the fuck man. Learn to play an instrument, learn to write, learn to draw, fuck, learn to read.
But no, now this type of scum has been molested by the children of America and they will now aspire to be hiedi or lc, two cunts who don't deserve a bag full of donkey shit.
Girls will sit at home and watch that show Super Sweet 16, which is another piece of shit by itself, and watch The Hills and say how awesome it must be to be LC and Hiedi and metrosexual guys will yearn to be Spencer and the world will be full or shitbags just like those 3.
I have a better idea. How about Spencer, Hiedi, LC, the producers, the writers, the people who watch it and the people who talk about it constantly all get into some sort of bus, a double decker...two double deckers, I don't care your preference. Get into the bus, start talking, drinking alcohol to get "crunked" and someone just drop a scud missile on it.
Who would miss them? I wouldn't. I don't think you would either.
I mean seriously, that's all I want for Christmas. The eradication of idiocy, incompetence and laziness. Not the laziness where you don't want to clean the dishes because Sports Center is on, but the laziness in where you leech off of your parents because you're a grade A douchenozzle.
I hope Spencer and the rest of his douchey people come across this, call me and and threaten me so I can tell him to fuck off.
Douche.
HOW THE FUCK ARE THE PEOPLE FROM THE HILL FAMOUS!?!?!?!
Someone please tell me how these rich assholes became famous. Is it because mommy and daddy make a lot of money?
I know it can't be on their personalities and their education. This may be the dumbest group of people I've ever had the displeasure of trying to sleep through. Yeah, you heard me, this shit goes on my TV @ 11 or randomly on a Saturday and I want to jump out the fucking window. I want to piss hateful words in the snow because of this show.
I'm not "down" with all of the people of the hill or the oc or whatever fucking show they were on. All I know are the people in the commercials, like hiedi, spencer and that chick lc.
I used to be an avid listener to Toucher and Rich, but sadly they moved to mornings and it was all over for me. Anywho, they had a bracket of the biggest douchebag and that guy spencer was on there. He had a clip stating 'I'll never go to a club for under $100,000'.
WHAT?! Who the fuck made you so important that you can demand where you'll go and how much money you'll go there for? Let me add to that statement as well. Who the fuck wants you? You're the epitome of douchebag. If you looked up douchebag, this picture would probably be there:
Yeah I know. Just looking at that picture makes me pissed off.
Now, I hope someone comes across this and says
'Wow blog master, you must be real jealous of this guy.'
Hardly. If I was him, I'd be hanging from a noose that's hooked on to the base of the ceiling fan trying to play 'lets kick the out the chair'.
So why am I so pissed off that these kids, specifically spencer, are famous? Because they haven't done anything. All they do is sit around their house, talking on their blackberry, and sitting around some more. What the fuck man. Learn to play an instrument, learn to write, learn to draw, fuck, learn to read.
But no, now this type of scum has been molested by the children of America and they will now aspire to be hiedi or lc, two cunts who don't deserve a bag full of donkey shit.
Girls will sit at home and watch that show Super Sweet 16, which is another piece of shit by itself, and watch The Hills and say how awesome it must be to be LC and Hiedi and metrosexual guys will yearn to be Spencer and the world will be full or shitbags just like those 3.
I have a better idea. How about Spencer, Hiedi, LC, the producers, the writers, the people who watch it and the people who talk about it constantly all get into some sort of bus, a double decker...two double deckers, I don't care your preference. Get into the bus, start talking, drinking alcohol to get "crunked" and someone just drop a scud missile on it.
Who would miss them? I wouldn't. I don't think you would either.
I mean seriously, that's all I want for Christmas. The eradication of idiocy, incompetence and laziness. Not the laziness where you don't want to clean the dishes because Sports Center is on, but the laziness in where you leech off of your parents because you're a grade A douchenozzle.
I hope Spencer and the rest of his douchey people come across this, call me and and threaten me so I can tell him to fuck off.
Douche.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Yeah I Got A Problem...You're An Asshole!
Ok, I apologize for not being able to blog lately but between meetings and work it has been pretty hectic. Speaking of hectic, it fucking snowed last night for those not in the Massachusetts/New England area.
I wake up this morning to a blistering headache, get myself ready for work and head to wipe the white devil off of my car. So with an arm full of lunch, shirt and stuffed animal for Child, I make it to the car slip free...This is where the fucking problem begins.
I begin to wipe the snow off of my car, dropping piles of snow on the sidewalk. For those of you who don't know my neighborhood, we have a catholic school across the street and this was the time that the parents were dropping their kids off.
Yeah, you already know where this is going...
So I'm clearing off my car, almost done, and this asshole in a fucking SUV comes ripping down the street after dropping off his two shitheads. As he passes me, the slush from the ground soaks my clothes. Seriously. It was like I took a bath in the street. My pants look like I fucking pissed myself after drinking 14 gallons of water.
So I'm standing there in my pseudo-piss soaked pants waving the guy down with two middle fingers and a shower of swears. I finally resorted to little kid bullshit...snowball at the car.
BAM! This assholes car gets hit with a snow ball and he immediately stops and gets out of his car. He looks at the snowball then looks at me, like I fucking did something wrong here and not him. I go walking over to him all pissed off and this is how the conversation went.
Guy: What did you do
Me: What did I do, what the fuck is wrong with you?
Guy: What?
Me: Look at my fucking pants! You fucking soaked me.
Guy: No I didn't, that could've come from anywhere
Me: Yeah, I fucking pissed myself. You jerkoff, why are you driving down the street that fast anyways, there are fucking kids going to school.
Guy: Do you have a problem?
Me: Yeah I have a problem, you're an asshole!
To which the guy laughed and got back into his car and drove off.
Now its shit like that, that really pisses me off. If I was to put a bat through this guy's windshield, I'm in the wrong, but why? Many people will say, because you damaged his property and now it will cost him money.
Well hold the phone...yeah...HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE HERE MAUDE! This degenerate soaks me, which means I have to go back upstairs, rummage through my clothes to find something work appropriate and then go to work. If time = money then this asshole cost me about 7 dollars because I was fucking late.
Yes, there is a mathematical equation that actually proves it was 7 dollars, however, I don't feel like doing it out. Plus I don't think you guys care enough.
But think about it. Where has the human decency done, especially in this "time of giving", that you fucking soak someone and don't even apologize. This is exactly why I fucking hate Christmas too, because it is a cover-up of everyone's emotions. I'll get to more of that at a different time, but here is a quick blurb.
Everyone around Christmas time suddenly becomes cheery, wholesome and good, but where is that shit in say...March? In March everyone is just crabby, bitchy and plain ole horrible to one another. If it was Christmas time and you slipped on something, you'd get up and keep going because you have egg nog in your blood and a tune in your step, but if it's fucking March and its cold out, if you slip, you're looking for a lawyer. It's bullshit.
You're bullshit, all of you! SELF INCLUDED!
I hope this guy gets in a fucking car accident and breaks his nose when the air bg deploys. Yeah, I'm writing it and I'm fucking sticking to it. I hope he comes home and finds his wife getting railed by a large black man named Jamal who just got out of prison. I hope his kids realize how much of an asshole he is. I hope his dog pisses on his bed tonight.
I wish harm on him and no one else but him.
Fuck you man in the SUV that got me soaking wet this morning, because of you, I have wet fucking pants at home.
Yes, this is what I looked like after too.
Merry fucking Christmas you assholes.
I wake up this morning to a blistering headache, get myself ready for work and head to wipe the white devil off of my car. So with an arm full of lunch, shirt and stuffed animal for Child, I make it to the car slip free...This is where the fucking problem begins.
I begin to wipe the snow off of my car, dropping piles of snow on the sidewalk. For those of you who don't know my neighborhood, we have a catholic school across the street and this was the time that the parents were dropping their kids off.
Yeah, you already know where this is going...
So I'm clearing off my car, almost done, and this asshole in a fucking SUV comes ripping down the street after dropping off his two shitheads. As he passes me, the slush from the ground soaks my clothes. Seriously. It was like I took a bath in the street. My pants look like I fucking pissed myself after drinking 14 gallons of water.
So I'm standing there in my pseudo-piss soaked pants waving the guy down with two middle fingers and a shower of swears. I finally resorted to little kid bullshit...snowball at the car.
BAM! This assholes car gets hit with a snow ball and he immediately stops and gets out of his car. He looks at the snowball then looks at me, like I fucking did something wrong here and not him. I go walking over to him all pissed off and this is how the conversation went.
Guy: What did you do
Me: What did I do, what the fuck is wrong with you?
Guy: What?
Me: Look at my fucking pants! You fucking soaked me.
Guy: No I didn't, that could've come from anywhere
Me: Yeah, I fucking pissed myself. You jerkoff, why are you driving down the street that fast anyways, there are fucking kids going to school.
Guy: Do you have a problem?
Me: Yeah I have a problem, you're an asshole!
To which the guy laughed and got back into his car and drove off.
Now its shit like that, that really pisses me off. If I was to put a bat through this guy's windshield, I'm in the wrong, but why? Many people will say, because you damaged his property and now it will cost him money.
Well hold the phone...yeah...HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE HERE MAUDE! This degenerate soaks me, which means I have to go back upstairs, rummage through my clothes to find something work appropriate and then go to work. If time = money then this asshole cost me about 7 dollars because I was fucking late.
Yes, there is a mathematical equation that actually proves it was 7 dollars, however, I don't feel like doing it out. Plus I don't think you guys care enough.
But think about it. Where has the human decency done, especially in this "time of giving", that you fucking soak someone and don't even apologize. This is exactly why I fucking hate Christmas too, because it is a cover-up of everyone's emotions. I'll get to more of that at a different time, but here is a quick blurb.
Everyone around Christmas time suddenly becomes cheery, wholesome and good, but where is that shit in say...March? In March everyone is just crabby, bitchy and plain ole horrible to one another. If it was Christmas time and you slipped on something, you'd get up and keep going because you have egg nog in your blood and a tune in your step, but if it's fucking March and its cold out, if you slip, you're looking for a lawyer. It's bullshit.
You're bullshit, all of you! SELF INCLUDED!
I hope this guy gets in a fucking car accident and breaks his nose when the air bg deploys. Yeah, I'm writing it and I'm fucking sticking to it. I hope he comes home and finds his wife getting railed by a large black man named Jamal who just got out of prison. I hope his kids realize how much of an asshole he is. I hope his dog pisses on his bed tonight.
I wish harm on him and no one else but him.
Fuck you man in the SUV that got me soaking wet this morning, because of you, I have wet fucking pants at home.
Yes, this is what I looked like after too.
Merry fucking Christmas you assholes.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
I got a top hat and cane and a pocket full of...
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Pocket Full of Miracles is trademarked by someone other than myself. Whatever, I'll fight them because I'm a big strong man, RAWR! If you need a cut out jean pocket containing small slips of paper with bullshit written on it to make you happy, please find some help. This product does not give, endorse or allow happiness, it is merely an exploitation of sad women. Again, I can not stress enough that if you need this shitty product to make yourself happy, go find help, either at the end of shot glass, gun barrel or therapist. Also, by reading this you hereby waive your right, or family's right to sue me for implying something other than therapy. You're an idiot for actually listening to me
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Call 555-PFOM to place your order!! Act now, because women's activist groups everywhere are suing our asses as we speak!
Pocket Full of Miracles is trademarked by someone other than myself. Whatever, I'll fight them because I'm a big strong man, RAWR! If you need a cut out jean pocket containing small slips of paper with bullshit written on it to make you happy, please find some help. This product does not give, endorse or allow happiness, it is merely an exploitation of sad women. Again, I can not stress enough that if you need this shitty product to make yourself happy, go find help, either at the end of shot glass, gun barrel or therapist. Also, by reading this you hereby waive your right, or family's right to sue me for implying something other than therapy. You're an idiot for actually listening to me
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
I'm going to take my 7 year old to an 11pm showing of the Dark Knight!!! Im a good parent right?
So the Dark Knight came out yesterday on DVD and for those who haven't seen it:
[fan boy]
OH EMM GEE (omg ha) GO SEE IT RIGHT NOW, ITS AWESOME, WELL WORTH THE MONEY FOR THE DVD. HEATH LEDGER IS AWESOME IN IT!!!one1one!!one!1
[/fan boy]
But this isn't about the movie at all, it is just where this piece of parent douchebaggery happened. Anyways, back when the Dark Knight was in theaters, Girlfriend, Tall Friend and Russia (girl he was dating) went to see this movie in IMAX. It was my first and only IMAX experience, but it was amazing.
So we get there, stand in the long ass line, get great cheeseburgers from Fuddruckers, and find out seats.
Now this is where all the shit goes down.
Like I said in my post from yesterday:
However, I am a man with a large frame. Anyone who knows me knows this. I've been on to many flights, to many sporting events, to many shows, to many movies where I've sat down and some complete stranger comes in and invades my personal space.
So walking in comes a mother and her (roughly) 7-9 year old son. Of course, they sit next to me, but thankfully the son sits next to me so I still have adequate room and I'm large enough that he can't challenge me for the arm rest because I'd beat his little kid ass into the ground.
Now the movie starts and I'm eating my cheeseburger engrossed in the movie, having a good ole time. All of a sudden, this kid's mother screams and pulls her son towards her saying "Billy! Don't look at it!" because the part is a little tense. So I look at her with some strange look and shrug my shoulders.
In my head I'm thinking What the fuck is this broad doing? Well, maybe I'll give her the benefit of the doubt, I mean, a pencil was just inserted into a guy's head. However, I keep watching the movie. Now for those who haven't seen it, I won't give anything away, but there are some pretty intense parts, add to the fact its in IMAX, it is even more intense. Every time some tense music came on, she'd grab her son, nuzzle his head into the armpit to breast section and say 'Its ok to not look!'.
Now I'm starting to get pissed because all I can hear is this fucking psychopathic bitch grab her child and scream when the music got a little kooky. I mean come on lady! What the fuck are you doing? Do I need to break your steps down in where you went wrong here?
A) You brought your 7-9 year old son to the Dark Knight
B) You brought him to an 11pm showing of the movie
C) You grab the kid like he was hit with napalm once the music gets tense
D) You tell him its ok to not look when YOU ARENT GIVING HIM THE CHOICE TO WATCH IT OT NOT
Do you now get what you're doing? You are effectively ruining the kids movie for him and possibly his life. Don't tell him its ok to not look, then rip him away without giving him the fucking choice to look. If you were so protective of him in the first place, why would you spend around $25.00 for two tickets only to shun him from the good parts of the movie?
It boggles the mind to know what the fuck you think was going to happen? That the good people of the IMAX theater would see you and Billy Pussface walking in so they'd pull out the Batman cartoon instead so he doesn't have nightmares of Heath Ledger as the Joker while he is sleeping?
Fucking christ, lady! Its the mother fucking Dark Knight, clearly its going to be intense, jumpy, a little scary and overall ten shades of awesome. Why are you covering your sons eyes when something happens?
This is why kids are such pussies these days, people like this woman. You know, when I was 7, my father took me to see Ghostbusters 2 and I cried when the slime tried to grab Ray and pull him into the river of slime, but what did my father do? Nothing. And I thank him for that! When I was 8, he was watching Poltergeist and the part where the skull comes ripping through the closet literally scared the piss out of me and when I asked him to shut it off, he said no.
Now this isn't about my father being an asshole, its about parents not being so fucking stupid sometimes. Don't take your kid(s) to see a movie, only to jump all over them to protect their innocence. They can, and will, see much more fucked up shit on the Internet then they ever will by seeing a guy being shot in the movie.
You can always tell a kid its a movie and its not real. Its for entertainment. Hey son, I know that part was scary, but its not real. Trust me. I've never viewed that in real life.
HOLY SHIT, how's that for a fucking line.
Parents need to use their fucking brains more. I don't know if I was more pissed because the mother should shut her fucking yap while screaming "No Billy! Don't look! It's ok Billy!" or because the poor kid couldn't watch the movie himself.
But hey, I guess its not worse than the 3 year old kid walking out of Saw V right?
So to the lady who brought her son to see the Dark Knight in IMAX at 11pm and then grabbed him like he was on fire when a bad part happened:
and fuck you lady!
[fan boy]
OH EMM GEE (omg ha) GO SEE IT RIGHT NOW, ITS AWESOME, WELL WORTH THE MONEY FOR THE DVD. HEATH LEDGER IS AWESOME IN IT!!!one1one!!one!1
[/fan boy]
But this isn't about the movie at all, it is just where this piece of parent douchebaggery happened. Anyways, back when the Dark Knight was in theaters, Girlfriend, Tall Friend and Russia (girl he was dating) went to see this movie in IMAX. It was my first and only IMAX experience, but it was amazing.
So we get there, stand in the long ass line, get great cheeseburgers from Fuddruckers, and find out seats.
Now this is where all the shit goes down.
Like I said in my post from yesterday:
However, I am a man with a large frame. Anyone who knows me knows this. I've been on to many flights, to many sporting events, to many shows, to many movies where I've sat down and some complete stranger comes in and invades my personal space.
So walking in comes a mother and her (roughly) 7-9 year old son. Of course, they sit next to me, but thankfully the son sits next to me so I still have adequate room and I'm large enough that he can't challenge me for the arm rest because I'd beat his little kid ass into the ground.
Now the movie starts and I'm eating my cheeseburger engrossed in the movie, having a good ole time. All of a sudden, this kid's mother screams and pulls her son towards her saying "Billy! Don't look at it!" because the part is a little tense. So I look at her with some strange look and shrug my shoulders.
In my head I'm thinking What the fuck is this broad doing? Well, maybe I'll give her the benefit of the doubt, I mean, a pencil was just inserted into a guy's head. However, I keep watching the movie. Now for those who haven't seen it, I won't give anything away, but there are some pretty intense parts, add to the fact its in IMAX, it is even more intense. Every time some tense music came on, she'd grab her son, nuzzle his head into the armpit to breast section and say 'Its ok to not look!'.
Now I'm starting to get pissed because all I can hear is this fucking psychopathic bitch grab her child and scream when the music got a little kooky. I mean come on lady! What the fuck are you doing? Do I need to break your steps down in where you went wrong here?
A) You brought your 7-9 year old son to the Dark Knight
B) You brought him to an 11pm showing of the movie
C) You grab the kid like he was hit with napalm once the music gets tense
D) You tell him its ok to not look when YOU ARENT GIVING HIM THE CHOICE TO WATCH IT OT NOT
Do you now get what you're doing? You are effectively ruining the kids movie for him and possibly his life. Don't tell him its ok to not look, then rip him away without giving him the fucking choice to look. If you were so protective of him in the first place, why would you spend around $25.00 for two tickets only to shun him from the good parts of the movie?
It boggles the mind to know what the fuck you think was going to happen? That the good people of the IMAX theater would see you and Billy Pussface walking in so they'd pull out the Batman cartoon instead so he doesn't have nightmares of Heath Ledger as the Joker while he is sleeping?
Fucking christ, lady! Its the mother fucking Dark Knight, clearly its going to be intense, jumpy, a little scary and overall ten shades of awesome. Why are you covering your sons eyes when something happens?
This is why kids are such pussies these days, people like this woman. You know, when I was 7, my father took me to see Ghostbusters 2 and I cried when the slime tried to grab Ray and pull him into the river of slime, but what did my father do? Nothing. And I thank him for that! When I was 8, he was watching Poltergeist and the part where the skull comes ripping through the closet literally scared the piss out of me and when I asked him to shut it off, he said no.
Now this isn't about my father being an asshole, its about parents not being so fucking stupid sometimes. Don't take your kid(s) to see a movie, only to jump all over them to protect their innocence. They can, and will, see much more fucked up shit on the Internet then they ever will by seeing a guy being shot in the movie.
You can always tell a kid its a movie and its not real. Its for entertainment. Hey son, I know that part was scary, but its not real. Trust me. I've never viewed that in real life.
HOLY SHIT, how's that for a fucking line.
Parents need to use their fucking brains more. I don't know if I was more pissed because the mother should shut her fucking yap while screaming "No Billy! Don't look! It's ok Billy!" or because the poor kid couldn't watch the movie himself.
But hey, I guess its not worse than the 3 year old kid walking out of Saw V right?
So to the lady who brought her son to see the Dark Knight in IMAX at 11pm and then grabbed him like he was on fire when a bad part happened:
and fuck you lady!
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
If you talk during a movie, you will be lit on fire!
So this weekend Girlfriend (who shall remain nameless when I talk about her for privacy reasons) and I went out to the movies as part of our little date thing we had going on. We went to see 4 Christmases, "A good start to the holiday season" - Jason Di Rosso, Movie Time, ABC Radio National. Well first off, the movie sucked, and I should have consulted Rotten Tomatoes before we went because they were spot on!
Anywho, it wasn't the movie that bothered me because I've seen shitty movies in the movie theaters before. It was the fucking people that really aggravate me. I'll paint the picture for you ok?
Girlfriend and I walk into a semi-packed movie theater and walk across the sea of shitheads to the far end of the theater. We grab two seats in the 2nd row, at the end of the row because I don't like people sitting next to me (if we are by ourselves). Now, some of you may be saying "Sir, you are just being inconsiderate" and you're right, I am. However, I am a man with a large frame. Anyone who knows me knows this. I've been on to many flights, to many sporting events, to many shows, to many movies where I've sat down and some complete stranger comes in and invades my personal space. I'm not talking about fat people either, I'm talking about the assholes who feel its their elbow's right to rape the arm rest, or the person who can't stop fumbling around in their seat, or the person who keeps telling their kid not to watch the movie THAT YOU FUCKING BROUGHT HIM/HER TO (This may be a different post though).
So anyways, Girlfriend and I are sitting there, just people watching waiting for the movie to start. An older couple (maybe in their late-40s/early-50s) sit in the row in front of us, the two chairs in front of us and his wife is talking annoyingly loud. Right now, I'm ok with it because its just the commercials (yeah, fucking commercials at the movies, how pathetic is that?) and no one cares about the commercials.
So the previews start and I'm a fan of the previews, as I know Girlfriend is as well. This fucking woman keeps talking to her husband in a pretty loud voice. Girlfriend gets pissed off and tells them to shut up, but being the nice guy I am, I say 'Hey, let's give them a chance, maybe they didn't realize the previews are on', but alas, it was not to be. She continued her verbal diharreah throughout one preview, to which Girlfriend loudly told her to shut her fucking trap, and they complied.
I'm so proud of her :)
But it isn't about Girlfriend's tendancies. So the movie starts and the theater is starting to fill up with a bunch of teeny-boppers and Eminem wannabes (I guess its our fault for going to an 8 o'clock movie right?). Well during the movie, there were solid patches of degenerates in the rows of seats on the floor that wouldn't shut the fuck up. Someone actually told the kids to shut it, but of course, they didn't listen.
Which brings me to this conclusion:
People pay good money to watch a movie, not listen to shitheads talk about what Jilly Slutface and Billy Douchebag did during lunch period today. No one gives a shit who you're talking to you on your fucking Blackberry of iPhone. Keep the cell phones down and shut the fuck up.
From now on, I believe every movie theater should employ someone for these certain crowd control purposes. Now, in the old days, ushers would walk around with flashlights asking people to be quiet, but this is the new millenium man. Kids these days aren't scared of flashlights! We need to take it up a notch.
This new crowd contorl employee should be equipped with a state of the art flamethrower. His or her objective is to make sure people are quiet and people stay quiet. Nothing says shut the fuck up like watching someone's face melt to the floor. Pull your cell phone out? Face melted. Talk once the lights go down loud enough that I CANT HEAR THE FUCKING PREVIEWS? Face melted. Make stupid remarks during the movie, fucking face melted.
It's the perfect solution to all those shitheads that don't know how to keep their fucking trap shut, don't know how to keep their fucking cell phones in their pocket, and don't know how to respect others when they are trying to enjoy themselves.
Think of it like this:
(movie playing)
Billy: Look at my new Blackberry! Isn't it awesome!
Joey: It's super pwnage
Billy: Ya, I can pwn noobz all day
BLAM! FACE IS GONE AND THE MOVIE CAN CONTINUE!
I know this may cause a stir at first, but people will either:
A) Shut the fuck up
B) Look like ice cream in the sun
It's getting hot in here...now shut your fucking mouth
Anywho, it wasn't the movie that bothered me because I've seen shitty movies in the movie theaters before. It was the fucking people that really aggravate me. I'll paint the picture for you ok?
Girlfriend and I walk into a semi-packed movie theater and walk across the sea of shitheads to the far end of the theater. We grab two seats in the 2nd row, at the end of the row because I don't like people sitting next to me (if we are by ourselves). Now, some of you may be saying "Sir, you are just being inconsiderate" and you're right, I am. However, I am a man with a large frame. Anyone who knows me knows this. I've been on to many flights, to many sporting events, to many shows, to many movies where I've sat down and some complete stranger comes in and invades my personal space. I'm not talking about fat people either, I'm talking about the assholes who feel its their elbow's right to rape the arm rest, or the person who can't stop fumbling around in their seat, or the person who keeps telling their kid not to watch the movie THAT YOU FUCKING BROUGHT HIM/HER TO (This may be a different post though).
So anyways, Girlfriend and I are sitting there, just people watching waiting for the movie to start. An older couple (maybe in their late-40s/early-50s) sit in the row in front of us, the two chairs in front of us and his wife is talking annoyingly loud. Right now, I'm ok with it because its just the commercials (yeah, fucking commercials at the movies, how pathetic is that?) and no one cares about the commercials.
So the previews start and I'm a fan of the previews, as I know Girlfriend is as well. This fucking woman keeps talking to her husband in a pretty loud voice. Girlfriend gets pissed off and tells them to shut up, but being the nice guy I am, I say 'Hey, let's give them a chance, maybe they didn't realize the previews are on', but alas, it was not to be. She continued her verbal diharreah throughout one preview, to which Girlfriend loudly told her to shut her fucking trap, and they complied.
I'm so proud of her :)
But it isn't about Girlfriend's tendancies. So the movie starts and the theater is starting to fill up with a bunch of teeny-boppers and Eminem wannabes (I guess its our fault for going to an 8 o'clock movie right?). Well during the movie, there were solid patches of degenerates in the rows of seats on the floor that wouldn't shut the fuck up. Someone actually told the kids to shut it, but of course, they didn't listen.
Which brings me to this conclusion:
People pay good money to watch a movie, not listen to shitheads talk about what Jilly Slutface and Billy Douchebag did during lunch period today. No one gives a shit who you're talking to you on your fucking Blackberry of iPhone. Keep the cell phones down and shut the fuck up.
From now on, I believe every movie theater should employ someone for these certain crowd control purposes. Now, in the old days, ushers would walk around with flashlights asking people to be quiet, but this is the new millenium man. Kids these days aren't scared of flashlights! We need to take it up a notch.
This new crowd contorl employee should be equipped with a state of the art flamethrower. His or her objective is to make sure people are quiet and people stay quiet. Nothing says shut the fuck up like watching someone's face melt to the floor. Pull your cell phone out? Face melted. Talk once the lights go down loud enough that I CANT HEAR THE FUCKING PREVIEWS? Face melted. Make stupid remarks during the movie, fucking face melted.
It's the perfect solution to all those shitheads that don't know how to keep their fucking trap shut, don't know how to keep their fucking cell phones in their pocket, and don't know how to respect others when they are trying to enjoy themselves.
Think of it like this:
(movie playing)
Billy: Look at my new Blackberry! Isn't it awesome!
Joey: It's super pwnage
Billy: Ya, I can pwn noobz all day
BLAM! FACE IS GONE AND THE MOVIE CAN CONTINUE!
I know this may cause a stir at first, but people will either:
A) Shut the fuck up
B) Look like ice cream in the sun
It's getting hot in here...now shut your fucking mouth
Monday, December 8, 2008
I Bleed Green and Yellow...WHAT!? IM FUCKING BLEEDING GREEN AND YELLOW!?!?
Ok, so maybe its the cold just seeping into the brain or maybe its the fact my iPod broke today for no apparent reason other than being a piece of shit, but I have a real problem with a certain NFL commercial.
I can't find it on the web, which is a shock to me, but the commercial is this guy who has given his significant other a toaster or some shitty gift for Christmas. So she gives him a shitty 'Oh my god, I can't believe you' look as she passes him a gift. Now this asshole, who already gave his girl a shitty gift says 'I hope its better than last years!'. Wow, either his girl is a doormat or he has the biggest set of balls this side of the Mississippi.
So she gives this guy his present and he tears into the thing like a 5 year old getting Shark Attack or Bed Bugs (its the bed bugs, catch them if you can, its the bed bugs...sorry, had a christmas flashback to my childhood)
It's pretty fucked up that there was a game called Bed Bugs.
FYI for those who don't know:
So anyways, who fucking thought it was a good idea to make a game with bed bugs? Have you seen these fucking things? They are evil as fuck man, and pretty nasty too. Sorry, I'm getting off topic...
Anyways, so all of a sudden, this idiot is going to open his present and cuts himself. He looks down at the cut and is bleeding yellow and green in perfect symmetry. After watching his body bleed a mixture of mustard and relish, this asshole shrugs it off.
SHRUG IT OFF!? How the fuck can you shrug off bleeding TWO different colors? Let alone green and yellow. What are you an alien? Is your blood acidic? No. Go to the doctors, dont just sit there with a shit eating grin on your face as you wipe your disgusting multi-colored blood on ur woman.
Now, don't get me wrong, I like smearing goop on a woman when she's out of line (goop? wtf), but mutli-colored blood is just wrong.
I know its only a commercial, but what the fuck. Can't you come up with something better than that bullshit.
Oh, I forgot to add that the jersey his lady got him said Pack Daddy on it. What a fucking asshole. If I ever saw a guy walking about with a Pack Daddy name stitched into the back of a Green Bay Packers jersey, I may have to punch him square in the mouth.
I would bash him with a lead pipe and make sidewalk art with his fucked up blood. That's what his woman should do. I get it, you're a Packers fan. You know what, I'm a Bruins fan and if I cut myself and black and gold blood started running from my body, I'd find a fucking church because I'd think the devil was crawling out of my skin.
Maybe I just watch to many horror movies.
Oh well, at least I got to reference Bed Bugs and Shark Attack, right?
SHARK ATTACK...WHAT ARE YOU GUNNA DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
(sorry, another christmas memory seeping out)
America, Fuck Yeah!
I can't find it on the web, which is a shock to me, but the commercial is this guy who has given his significant other a toaster or some shitty gift for Christmas. So she gives him a shitty 'Oh my god, I can't believe you' look as she passes him a gift. Now this asshole, who already gave his girl a shitty gift says 'I hope its better than last years!'. Wow, either his girl is a doormat or he has the biggest set of balls this side of the Mississippi.
So she gives this guy his present and he tears into the thing like a 5 year old getting Shark Attack or Bed Bugs (its the bed bugs, catch them if you can, its the bed bugs...sorry, had a christmas flashback to my childhood)
It's pretty fucked up that there was a game called Bed Bugs.
FYI for those who don't know:
So anyways, who fucking thought it was a good idea to make a game with bed bugs? Have you seen these fucking things? They are evil as fuck man, and pretty nasty too. Sorry, I'm getting off topic...
Anyways, so all of a sudden, this idiot is going to open his present and cuts himself. He looks down at the cut and is bleeding yellow and green in perfect symmetry. After watching his body bleed a mixture of mustard and relish, this asshole shrugs it off.
SHRUG IT OFF!? How the fuck can you shrug off bleeding TWO different colors? Let alone green and yellow. What are you an alien? Is your blood acidic? No. Go to the doctors, dont just sit there with a shit eating grin on your face as you wipe your disgusting multi-colored blood on ur woman.
Now, don't get me wrong, I like smearing goop on a woman when she's out of line (goop? wtf), but mutli-colored blood is just wrong.
I know its only a commercial, but what the fuck. Can't you come up with something better than that bullshit.
Oh, I forgot to add that the jersey his lady got him said Pack Daddy on it. What a fucking asshole. If I ever saw a guy walking about with a Pack Daddy name stitched into the back of a Green Bay Packers jersey, I may have to punch him square in the mouth.
I would bash him with a lead pipe and make sidewalk art with his fucked up blood. That's what his woman should do. I get it, you're a Packers fan. You know what, I'm a Bruins fan and if I cut myself and black and gold blood started running from my body, I'd find a fucking church because I'd think the devil was crawling out of my skin.
Maybe I just watch to many horror movies.
Oh well, at least I got to reference Bed Bugs and Shark Attack, right?
SHARK ATTACK...WHAT ARE YOU GUNNA DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
(sorry, another christmas memory seeping out)
America, Fuck Yeah!
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Bitch, I Aint Oprah!!
So I was at over at Foxnews.com just doing my morning reading, and something caught my eye. A title that made me laugh so loud, the woman next to me asked if I was ok.
"Parents Sue School Over Cheerleaders' Nude Photo Suspension"
Immediately I had to click on the link and see what kind of good stuff was in here. This has to be a farce right? Parents don't sue school because their kids take nudies right? There is no way that happens. No fucking way. If my kid was suspended because she took naked pictures, I wouldn't sue the school, I'd whoop my kid's ass for being so stupid.
I mean we've all done stupid shit, some of it even includes midnight romps on a sidewalk, but take some nudies and let them spread around school? Hardly.
So apparently from this article two girls on the Bothell High School cheering squad were suspended because they took pictures of themselves in their birthday suites and it got around the school via text. So one girl was suspended for 30 days, the other for 1 year. I don't know why, maybe one showed more than the other...who knows, who the fuck cares.
This isn't about those two sluts and their love of nudies. This is about the parents. So Mommy and Pappy Doucheface are talking to one another and say 'Hey, you know what's a good idea? Suing the school because our daughter is a slut!'
Ok, maybe they didn't say that, but they probably thought it. So the parents filed a lawsuit against the school alleging it was unnecessary for school officials to share the photos with other staff members, and claim they were negligent in failing to report the matter to police as a potential case of child pornography.
You know what this is? This is the parents way of pushing the blame onto the school. I haven't read anywhere where the parents say:
"We are very apologetic and upset with our child. She made some piss poor decisions and did some stupid things. She deserves to get suspended because she was wrong."
Do you see what I did there?
SHE WAS WRONG
It's ok to tell your child they are wrong and fucking retarded to take naked pictures of themselves and SEND THEM TO PEOPLE! Especially high school kids. Jesus Christ, if I got a naked picture of someone when I was in high school, that shit was going to everybody.
This makes me laugh though:
The lawsuits allege that the girls believed they had deleted the photos, but accidentally sent them to members of the football team.
Idiots! How does the world "SEND" look like the word "DELETE"?
Whatever. Hey parents, do me a favor. When you can't raise your kid right and they go off showing their goodies to the school, don't blame the school. Don't blame rap music. Don't blame TV and shows like Family Guy and American Dad. Blame yourselves. I know it may be a tough pill to swallow and no parent wants to label their kid as a degenerate fuck-up, but sue the school?
"This is frivolous," Northshore School District attorney Mike Patterson said. "It should never have gone to court and they (the families suing) should recognize that what happened here was created by their own doing."
At least the DA gets it.
Dave Letterman has a word for the parents.
Thanks for coming out big guy!
And another one bites the dust...
I mean we've all done stupid shit, some of it even includes midnight romps on a sidewalk, but take some nudies and let them spread around school? Hardly.
So apparently from this article two girls on the Bothell High School cheering squad were suspended because they took pictures of themselves in their birthday suites and it got around the school via text. So one girl was suspended for 30 days, the other for 1 year. I don't know why, maybe one showed more than the other...who knows, who the fuck cares.
This isn't about those two sluts and their love of nudies. This is about the parents. So Mommy and Pappy Doucheface are talking to one another and say 'Hey, you know what's a good idea? Suing the school because our daughter is a slut!'
Ok, maybe they didn't say that, but they probably thought it. So the parents filed a lawsuit against the school alleging it was unnecessary for school officials to share the photos with other staff members, and claim they were negligent in failing to report the matter to police as a potential case of child pornography.
You know what this is? This is the parents way of pushing the blame onto the school. I haven't read anywhere where the parents say:
"We are very apologetic and upset with our child. She made some piss poor decisions and did some stupid things. She deserves to get suspended because she was wrong."
Do you see what I did there?
SHE WAS WRONG
It's ok to tell your child they are wrong and fucking retarded to take naked pictures of themselves and SEND THEM TO PEOPLE! Especially high school kids. Jesus Christ, if I got a naked picture of someone when I was in high school, that shit was going to everybody.
This makes me laugh though:
The lawsuits allege that the girls believed they had deleted the photos, but accidentally sent them to members of the football team.
Idiots! How does the world "SEND" look like the word "DELETE"?
Whatever. Hey parents, do me a favor. When you can't raise your kid right and they go off showing their goodies to the school, don't blame the school. Don't blame rap music. Don't blame TV and shows like Family Guy and American Dad. Blame yourselves. I know it may be a tough pill to swallow and no parent wants to label their kid as a degenerate fuck-up, but sue the school?
"This is frivolous," Northshore School District attorney Mike Patterson said. "It should never have gone to court and they (the families suing) should recognize that what happened here was created by their own doing."
At least the DA gets it.
Dave Letterman has a word for the parents.
Thanks for coming out big guy!
And another one bites the dust...
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Hey, She IS Sloppy Seconds!
Everyone who has ever listened to me talk about hockey knows how much I honestly detest Sean Avery. I think he is a piece of shit hockey player, a goon, and just an overall pain in the ass.
So with my distaste in full force, I was kind of surprised when I woke up this morning and read that Sean Avery was suspended for his comments about an ex-girlfriend. I mean, we've all made comments about an ex-girlfriend that are much more worse than what he said.
"I am really happy to be back in Calgary, I love Canada," Avery said on camera this morning in Calgary. "I just want to comment on how it's become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don't know what that's about. Enjoy the game tonight." - Source
Now my question is this...what is so wrong with what he has said? It's true, guys in the NHL are dating his girlfriends, hence sloppy seconds. What is it degrading to women? What the fuck is so degrading about it. I could see if Avery called her a pig and dumped gravy over her head. Not only would that he somewhat hot to see Elisa Cuthbert with gravy all over herself, but it would be funny too!
Raise your hand if you have NEVER said anything bad about an ex-girlfriend. Ok fuck it, hey ladies, (YEAH!?!) [sorry, that was my 1980's rap song where I say Hey Ladies and they all answer back, doesn't happen in real life though] raise your hand if you've never said anything bad an ex-boyfriend.
Exactly. So what if he did it with cameras around him. Go to YouTube and type in comments on ex and see what comes up. Or better yet, type of comments on ex-(insert boyfriend or girlfriend). Why aren't all these people being punished for their comments?
Face it, when it comes to ex's there is always some sort of animosity. Girls are bitches, guys are dicks, we should be able to say whatever we want about them and then move on.
Don't fucking suspend a guy because he's telling the truth. That's like sending people to jail because they write how much our President sucks at life (oh wait...), or badgering people because they look up shit like pipe bombs on the internet (oh yeah...) or any other "freedom" that gets invaded because of the Patriot Act.
But you know what, the Patriot Act is a totally different monster I may never cover, because if I do, I'd have to blow my brains out due to the anger levels being through the roof.
What Sean Avery did is a perfect example of Freedom of Speech. Its only a "freedom" when it doesn't offend anyone. Well you know what, if our world wasn't made up of lets love everyone-don't say anything bad-dont hurt anyone's feelings-hugs not drugs-politically correct pussies, we would have actual freedoms.
But we don't because something will always offend someone. Someone may get offended by reading this post, and if they do, then fuck em. Yeah you heard me. If the idiotic ramblings from a simpleton such as myself offends you, then fuck you. I have the "right" to say what I want and those who know me know I'll say it.
Ah well, Sean Avery gets suspended for calling Elisha Cuthbert sloppy seconds, but if this is sloppy seconds:
then give me a dish.
Remember everyone, freedom cost a buck o' five!
So with my distaste in full force, I was kind of surprised when I woke up this morning and read that Sean Avery was suspended for his comments about an ex-girlfriend. I mean, we've all made comments about an ex-girlfriend that are much more worse than what he said.
"I am really happy to be back in Calgary, I love Canada," Avery said on camera this morning in Calgary. "I just want to comment on how it's become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don't know what that's about. Enjoy the game tonight." - Source
Now my question is this...what is so wrong with what he has said? It's true, guys in the NHL are dating his girlfriends, hence sloppy seconds. What is it degrading to women? What the fuck is so degrading about it. I could see if Avery called her a pig and dumped gravy over her head. Not only would that he somewhat hot to see Elisa Cuthbert with gravy all over herself, but it would be funny too!
Raise your hand if you have NEVER said anything bad about an ex-girlfriend. Ok fuck it, hey ladies, (YEAH!?!) [sorry, that was my 1980's rap song where I say Hey Ladies and they all answer back, doesn't happen in real life though] raise your hand if you've never said anything bad an ex-boyfriend.
Exactly. So what if he did it with cameras around him. Go to YouTube and type in comments on ex and see what comes up. Or better yet, type of comments on ex-(insert boyfriend or girlfriend). Why aren't all these people being punished for their comments?
Face it, when it comes to ex's there is always some sort of animosity. Girls are bitches, guys are dicks, we should be able to say whatever we want about them and then move on.
Don't fucking suspend a guy because he's telling the truth. That's like sending people to jail because they write how much our President sucks at life (oh wait...), or badgering people because they look up shit like pipe bombs on the internet (oh yeah...) or any other "freedom" that gets invaded because of the Patriot Act.
But you know what, the Patriot Act is a totally different monster I may never cover, because if I do, I'd have to blow my brains out due to the anger levels being through the roof.
What Sean Avery did is a perfect example of Freedom of Speech. Its only a "freedom" when it doesn't offend anyone. Well you know what, if our world wasn't made up of lets love everyone-don't say anything bad-dont hurt anyone's feelings-hugs not drugs-politically correct pussies, we would have actual freedoms.
But we don't because something will always offend someone. Someone may get offended by reading this post, and if they do, then fuck em. Yeah you heard me. If the idiotic ramblings from a simpleton such as myself offends you, then fuck you. I have the "right" to say what I want and those who know me know I'll say it.
Ah well, Sean Avery gets suspended for calling Elisha Cuthbert sloppy seconds, but if this is sloppy seconds:
then give me a dish.
Remember everyone, freedom cost a buck o' five!
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
We Aint Talking About A Game, We Talkin Bout PRACTICE!!
There isn't much else to say is there?
No there isn't!!
Monday, December 1, 2008
Need to wait for a long time? Rent a homeless person!
Hello friends!
Do you always find yourself waiting in long lines? Are you tired of waiting at the bank while the old woman in the front counts her rolls of pennies? Sick of waiting for the newest electronic to come out? Do you see red whenever you are up at 3:30am to wait outside of Wal-Mart for Black Friday?
Well go buy a lottery ticket because today is your lucky day! I come to you all, my readers who are sick of waiting, with a great new business that will not only cut your waiting time, but will also allow the homeless to make some money as well!
I call it RENT-A-BUM!
That's right, Rent-A-Bum, a break through innovation in the world of homeless exploitation. Did I say exploitation, I meant homeless employment.
Our business is one of a kind. You come into the Rent-A-Bum office and speak with one of our trained employees. They will take down your name, information and what your homeless person will be waiting in line for and for how long...that's it! You pay us a flat rate of $75 per day/per homeless person. They could stand in line for 12 hours and its only $75 (per day/per homeless person).
Think about it. You want a new iPhone for lil billy sonofabitch, but you dread waking up at 3am on tuesday to wait for it when it comes out on friday. Well now you don't have to!
We have a 100% guarantee that your homeless person will never leave his or her spot while they wait in line for you!
Tired of being bothered by stinky homeless and reading their oft hilarious signs? So are we! Put them to work by doing what they do best, sitting in one spot for extended periods of time!
That's right! Act now and save, get 2 homeless people for the price of one, so they can sit in lines all day long!
Goodbye Christmas shopping blue, hello rum-fill eggnog!
You don't even have to drop the homeless person off, we take care of it for you!
If you are interested please call 555-BUMZ to make an appointment!
Do you always find yourself waiting in long lines? Are you tired of waiting at the bank while the old woman in the front counts her rolls of pennies? Sick of waiting for the newest electronic to come out? Do you see red whenever you are up at 3:30am to wait outside of Wal-Mart for Black Friday?
Well go buy a lottery ticket because today is your lucky day! I come to you all, my readers who are sick of waiting, with a great new business that will not only cut your waiting time, but will also allow the homeless to make some money as well!
I call it RENT-A-BUM!
That's right, Rent-A-Bum, a break through innovation in the world of homeless exploitation. Did I say exploitation, I meant homeless employment.
Our business is one of a kind. You come into the Rent-A-Bum office and speak with one of our trained employees. They will take down your name, information and what your homeless person will be waiting in line for and for how long...that's it! You pay us a flat rate of $75 per day/per homeless person. They could stand in line for 12 hours and its only $75 (per day/per homeless person).
Think about it. You want a new iPhone for lil billy sonofabitch, but you dread waking up at 3am on tuesday to wait for it when it comes out on friday. Well now you don't have to!
We have a 100% guarantee that your homeless person will never leave his or her spot while they wait in line for you!
Tired of being bothered by stinky homeless and reading their oft hilarious signs? So are we! Put them to work by doing what they do best, sitting in one spot for extended periods of time! Goodbye Christmas shopping blue, hello rum-fill eggnog!
You don't even have to drop the homeless person off, we take care of it for you!
If you are interested please call 555-BUMZ to make an appointment!
Sunday, November 30, 2008
I Carry A Gun To Be Cool, Yet I Shot Myself In My Leg
I don't know which of my readers follow sports. If you don't, you're about to read about sports, so you may want to turn back. If you do, you've already heard that Giants WR Plaxico Burress was shot in the leg on Friday night.
Oh man, another professional athlete gunned down because someone was jealous of him and his millions of dollars?
Nope.
Plax was shot in the leg BY HIMSELF!
Oh yeah, you heard it right.
So apparently Plaxico was at a club in New York called the Latin Quarter, with a gun, and something happened which alarmed him and made him grab his gun. The Super Bowl winning wide receiver (WR if you didn't realize it earlier) fumbled around for his piece and shot himself.
He fucking shot himself in the leg!
Immediately I thought of the YouTube video where the cop shoots himself while talking to the class, so here it is for anyone who has never viewed it.
But that is besides the point.
I don't get professional athletes man. I don't get these guys at all. First off, if you play the right sport (basically any big name sports outside of hockey), you can make A LOT of money by being average. Players know this and they are due for whatever is coming to them in terms of monetary compensation. What I don't agree with is how greedy these fucking people are. This of course is a discussion for another time.
Now, most professional athletes aren't bad people and they do a lot of good for the community, but there is always that player that will fuck everything up for the group of athletes. Look at the track record.
Pacman Jones started a riot in a Las Vegas club. This asshole "made it rain", then decided to take out his gun and paralyze some guy.
Stephen Jackson of the Indiana Pacers shoots a gun in the air 4 or 5 times at a strip club.
Plaxico Burress at a club, shoots himself in the leg
And the thing is, there are more that I am forgetting and don't care to look up.
But what I am trying to say is this:
You are a professional athlete and you make a SHITLOAD of money, get a shitload of pussy and enjoy benefits that I, or my readers, may never have in their entire lifetime.
All of this prestige brings jealousy. Jealousy brings out bad decisions. Why would you allow yourself to be put in the situation where you need to bring a gun to a club just in case something happens?
Does it make any sense? When does the thought Hey, I have to bring a loaded weapon here, maybe its not a good idea ever come into play? I mean, Jesus Christ use your fucking head once in a while.
And why aren't these guys being prosecuted? They don't have gun licenses, yet they are able to walk off because they can shoot a basketball, catch a football or hit a baseball. If they were the same person living in the hood of Oakland, they'd be in jail faster than you can blink.
Its a fact. So I am going to diplomatically write a letter to every professional athlete out there, hoping that one of them gets lost and finds this blog.
Dear Professional Athlete,
My name is Greg and I am a 25 year old avid lover of sports. I watch your trade on a daily basis, but I have a gripe with what you do. Now, please don't take my words out of context and this certainly doesn't have to do with all of you.
I feel that you, the professional athlete, are very good at what you do, but I feel as a human being you are a fucking retard. I am surprised that most of you can read and/or write and I am surprised that you can get out of bed in the morning.
What doesn't surprise me is that when you retire from your trade, you eventually file for bankruptcy (Hey Latrell!) or end up doing some shitty promotions to make end's meat.
You're not the brightest bulb in the human tree and we know this. You like to feel like a gangster, run around with a posse and get on the mic to rap or whatever it is you do.
I hope that in the future, when you go out to the club to drink that bottle full of bub, you realize that if you need to bring a loaded weapon, it may not be a good idea. If you do bring a loaded weapon to a club and feel the need to discharge it, please shove the barrel into your mouth and THEN pull the trigger.
It is only then, professional athlete, that we can smile because another moron has bit the dust.
Love,
Greg
Hey Kobe, how's my ass taste?
Oh man, another professional athlete gunned down because someone was jealous of him and his millions of dollars?
Nope.
Plax was shot in the leg BY HIMSELF!
Oh yeah, you heard it right.
So apparently Plaxico was at a club in New York called the Latin Quarter, with a gun, and something happened which alarmed him and made him grab his gun. The Super Bowl winning wide receiver (WR if you didn't realize it earlier) fumbled around for his piece and shot himself.
He fucking shot himself in the leg!
Immediately I thought of the YouTube video where the cop shoots himself while talking to the class, so here it is for anyone who has never viewed it.
But that is besides the point.
I don't get professional athletes man. I don't get these guys at all. First off, if you play the right sport (basically any big name sports outside of hockey), you can make A LOT of money by being average. Players know this and they are due for whatever is coming to them in terms of monetary compensation. What I don't agree with is how greedy these fucking people are. This of course is a discussion for another time.
Now, most professional athletes aren't bad people and they do a lot of good for the community, but there is always that player that will fuck everything up for the group of athletes. Look at the track record.
Pacman Jones started a riot in a Las Vegas club. This asshole "made it rain", then decided to take out his gun and paralyze some guy.
Stephen Jackson of the Indiana Pacers shoots a gun in the air 4 or 5 times at a strip club.
Plaxico Burress at a club, shoots himself in the leg
And the thing is, there are more that I am forgetting and don't care to look up.
But what I am trying to say is this:
You are a professional athlete and you make a SHITLOAD of money, get a shitload of pussy and enjoy benefits that I, or my readers, may never have in their entire lifetime.
All of this prestige brings jealousy. Jealousy brings out bad decisions. Why would you allow yourself to be put in the situation where you need to bring a gun to a club just in case something happens?
Does it make any sense? When does the thought Hey, I have to bring a loaded weapon here, maybe its not a good idea ever come into play? I mean, Jesus Christ use your fucking head once in a while.
And why aren't these guys being prosecuted? They don't have gun licenses, yet they are able to walk off because they can shoot a basketball, catch a football or hit a baseball. If they were the same person living in the hood of Oakland, they'd be in jail faster than you can blink.
Its a fact. So I am going to diplomatically write a letter to every professional athlete out there, hoping that one of them gets lost and finds this blog.
Dear Professional Athlete,
My name is Greg and I am a 25 year old avid lover of sports. I watch your trade on a daily basis, but I have a gripe with what you do. Now, please don't take my words out of context and this certainly doesn't have to do with all of you.
I feel that you, the professional athlete, are very good at what you do, but I feel as a human being you are a fucking retard. I am surprised that most of you can read and/or write and I am surprised that you can get out of bed in the morning.
What doesn't surprise me is that when you retire from your trade, you eventually file for bankruptcy (Hey Latrell!) or end up doing some shitty promotions to make end's meat.
You're not the brightest bulb in the human tree and we know this. You like to feel like a gangster, run around with a posse and get on the mic to rap or whatever it is you do.
I hope that in the future, when you go out to the club to drink that bottle full of bub, you realize that if you need to bring a loaded weapon, it may not be a good idea. If you do bring a loaded weapon to a club and feel the need to discharge it, please shove the barrel into your mouth and THEN pull the trigger.
It is only then, professional athlete, that we can smile because another moron has bit the dust.
Love,
Greg
Hey Kobe, how's my ass taste?
Friday, November 28, 2008
Someone please eradicate these people
So by now we all know about Black Friday here in America. It is a time where you can go out and find some pretty good, if not great, deals on pretty much everything. I don't know if any of my readers go out there, but to each his own right?
Now, this isn't directed towards every person who ventures out in the wee morning hours seeking sweet deals and hot prices, oh no. This is directed at those people who go out on Black Friday and act like immature, psychopathic people who've had hot irons shoved directly up their ass.
Case in point:
On TBN, a hockey forum I've been a member of for over 8 years now (and other "family sites"), there was a thread with a video at a Wal-Mart about people fighting over an Xbox 360.
Fighting over an XBox bundle
There's the video. Click, watch, laugh. That's what I did, but then I thought about it. How fucked in the head do you have to be to rush into a Wal-Mart and like a heat-seeking missile, throw people out of your way for an XBox?
Look at the people grabbing, yanking, pulling and ripping things out of each others hands. The guy with the camera is laughing as well as he should be. Look at those fucking people.
It's insanity!
But this one really pissed me off:
Wal-Mart worker dies on Black Friday
So this poor bastard who is temporary help at wal-Mart gets stampeded to death because these degenerate vultures rushed the doors at like 4am in the morning.
Let me state this again:
A FUCKING GUY WAS STAMPEDED BY HUMAN BEINGS BECAUSE THEY WANTED EARLY DEALS
How fucked up is this? How can you not hear someone screaming as you crush his skull with your shoe? I can barely walk straight without tripping over my feet, but yet people can hurdle a downed man to save 5 dollars on some shitty CD w/ no swears in it?
Unreal.
But of course, nothing will be done with it.
This family will grieve and Wal-mart will paint a fucking smiley face on his casket and tomorrow everyone will go about stuffing their faces with left overs.
So what should happen if Wal-Mart, Target, Sears and other stores start employing armed security at their doors. I don't even mean armed in the sense of guns (which would be nice), but even a fucking cattle prod. You'd hear outcry throughout the fucking streets, people complaining that they took 20,000 volts or so because they're acting like a bunch of rabid monkeys.
How fucking insensitive are people to just rush a Wal-Mart to save some money?
These people need to herded into a crate and set on fire. Fucked up right? Not as fucked up as people stomping some guy to death because we was doing them a service by opening the store.
If you have ever knocked someone out of the way for something, pushed someone down for a toy, grabbed something out of someone's hand, you deserve to be bashed in the teeth with a cock dripping with gonorrhea.
Merry Christmas to all right?
Now, this isn't directed towards every person who ventures out in the wee morning hours seeking sweet deals and hot prices, oh no. This is directed at those people who go out on Black Friday and act like immature, psychopathic people who've had hot irons shoved directly up their ass.
Case in point:
On TBN, a hockey forum I've been a member of for over 8 years now (and other "family sites"), there was a thread with a video at a Wal-Mart about people fighting over an Xbox 360.
Fighting over an XBox bundle
There's the video. Click, watch, laugh. That's what I did, but then I thought about it. How fucked in the head do you have to be to rush into a Wal-Mart and like a heat-seeking missile, throw people out of your way for an XBox?
Look at the people grabbing, yanking, pulling and ripping things out of each others hands. The guy with the camera is laughing as well as he should be. Look at those fucking people.
It's insanity!
But this one really pissed me off:
Wal-Mart worker dies on Black Friday
So this poor bastard who is temporary help at wal-Mart gets stampeded to death because these degenerate vultures rushed the doors at like 4am in the morning.
Let me state this again:
A FUCKING GUY WAS STAMPEDED BY HUMAN BEINGS BECAUSE THEY WANTED EARLY DEALS
How fucked up is this? How can you not hear someone screaming as you crush his skull with your shoe? I can barely walk straight without tripping over my feet, but yet people can hurdle a downed man to save 5 dollars on some shitty CD w/ no swears in it?
Unreal.
But of course, nothing will be done with it.
This family will grieve and Wal-mart will paint a fucking smiley face on his casket and tomorrow everyone will go about stuffing their faces with left overs.
So what should happen if Wal-Mart, Target, Sears and other stores start employing armed security at their doors. I don't even mean armed in the sense of guns (which would be nice), but even a fucking cattle prod. You'd hear outcry throughout the fucking streets, people complaining that they took 20,000 volts or so because they're acting like a bunch of rabid monkeys.
How fucking insensitive are people to just rush a Wal-Mart to save some money?
These people need to herded into a crate and set on fire. Fucked up right? Not as fucked up as people stomping some guy to death because we was doing them a service by opening the store.
If you have ever knocked someone out of the way for something, pushed someone down for a toy, grabbed something out of someone's hand, you deserve to be bashed in the teeth with a cock dripping with gonorrhea.
Merry Christmas to all right?
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
ESPN + Lebron James = Overhyped Piece of Shit
So this morning I'm getting ready for work and naturally I have ESPN Sports Center on the TV to have my daily catch up of what I missed in the sports world.
Anyway, I'm watching them go over some highlights of the Cavs/Knicks game and IMMEDIATELY talk about Lebron James becoming a free agent and his possible move to the New York Knicks.
Here is the problem with that:
HE IS NOT A FREE AGENT UNTIL 2010!!
What the fuck ESPN. Do you really think we care where Lebron James may end up in 2 years? IN TWO YEARS!? Anything can happen in two years. He can break his leg, he can break his face, he could wound up getting shot outside some club and die, and you're already doing a story on him now?
Where is KG's story because his free agency is up in 4 more years? What about Paul Pierce who is done in 3?
Oh wait, its Lebron James.
I forgot.
Its a guy who shouldn't have won the rookie of the year because Carmello Anthony had better numbers than him. Its a guy who cries whenever he is touched, but will then cry when he commits a foul and its called. Its a guy who will alley-oop all day but refuses to pass to his teammates.
I know "King" James is the all mighty, but why? What has he done that makes him a special player?
NOTHING!
Where is his NBA Championship ring? Where is his Larry O'Brien trophy?
Stop shoving Lebron James up our ass and down our throats. Stop taking your fan base for granted as a bunch of fucking idiots who can't remember that he's a UFA in 2010. Stop running three segments in a 1 hour show dedicated to Lebron James and his potential signing with the New York Knicks.
Yes you heard me.
This morning they had 3 segments about him playing for the Knicks and how special it would be and how alive the Garden would be and blah blah blah blah blah. OH BUT WAIT, Jay-Z is a partial owner of the NETS! STORY TIME AGAIN!
Its ridiculous and its a pain to have to listen to the same shit over and over from a company that spews as much bullshit as ESPN.
Don't get my wrong, I love ESPN. College football, Monday night football, Sports Center, PTI...all some good shit, but when they do moves like this it reeks of douchebagery!
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Hello, I can't pay my heating bill, here's $306 billion dollars =)
So I got a big fucking problem with the US government's bail out program. Who the fuck thought it was a good idea to give the CitiGroup $306 billion dollars to bail them out? Why is that a good fucking idea? We're the ones paying it out!! Us, the tax payer, Mr. Joey and Mary Sonofabitch who work a combined 95 hours a week and can barely afford rent/mortgage payments, rising food costs and rising heating bills.
So instead of pumping $306 billion back into the economy, we have to bail out this corporation, the same corporation who has $2 TRILLION in assets, the same company who just bought baseball park naming rights for the New York Mets (for $20 million [thank you Greg Gross]) and we are bailing them out?
I have a better idea...ok, wait for this, because its epic:
STOP SPENDING YOUR FUCKING MONEY!
It's common business practice or maybe just common sense that when you are running low on money, you stop spending it.
This also is for GM and Ford, who is recording record losses. Well here is an idea, take a look at the spending habits of your customers. After you do some research on something other than marketing, take a look at which brands are failing. Once you find the failing brand, an example can be Hummer for GM, you sell it off to a company who can take the product and run with it.
Think about it GM. You sell Cadillac or Hummer to an American company that can solely focus on it and make it profitable, all the while, you're reaping the benefits of selling that brand AND profiting from the brands that normally do well.
It makes no sense to have 5 different brands making the same car under a different name. All you are doing is wasting production hours and wasting money on a product that doesn't sell well.
But what the hell do I know? All I know is my taxes are going to be raised and my tax money is going to go right down the shitter to a company that will just shove interest rates up my ass.
Good fucking economy we have.
Oh, and when these assholes have to pay us back, how about we hit them with a 29% interest rate so they can feel exactly what the average American feels.
What a fucking joke this country has become.
So instead of pumping $306 billion back into the economy, we have to bail out this corporation, the same corporation who has $2 TRILLION in assets, the same company who just bought baseball park naming rights for the New York Mets (for $20 million [thank you Greg Gross]) and we are bailing them out?
I have a better idea...ok, wait for this, because its epic:
STOP SPENDING YOUR FUCKING MONEY!
It's common business practice or maybe just common sense that when you are running low on money, you stop spending it.
This also is for GM and Ford, who is recording record losses. Well here is an idea, take a look at the spending habits of your customers. After you do some research on something other than marketing, take a look at which brands are failing. Once you find the failing brand, an example can be Hummer for GM, you sell it off to a company who can take the product and run with it.
Think about it GM. You sell Cadillac or Hummer to an American company that can solely focus on it and make it profitable, all the while, you're reaping the benefits of selling that brand AND profiting from the brands that normally do well.
It makes no sense to have 5 different brands making the same car under a different name. All you are doing is wasting production hours and wasting money on a product that doesn't sell well.
But what the hell do I know? All I know is my taxes are going to be raised and my tax money is going to go right down the shitter to a company that will just shove interest rates up my ass.
Good fucking economy we have.
Oh, and when these assholes have to pay us back, how about we hit them with a 29% interest rate so they can feel exactly what the average American feels.
What a fucking joke this country has become.
Monday, November 24, 2008
No One Cares About Your BF/GF
Ok, this may come off really horribly, but fuck it.
I'm writing this to tell those who constantly talk about their boyfriend/girlfriend that no one, not even your parents, give a shit about your significant other. Trust me. No one wants to hear every little pathetic detail in your life when it comes to the two of you.
"He won't pick me up." wahhhhhhh
"Drive me cuz he lives far away" wahhhhhh
"She want to talk about feelings and not have sex" wahhhhhhh
Here is a little idea that I have for you:
A) Shut the fuck up
B) Break up with him/her
It is literally that simple. No longer should family/friends/acquaintances have to sit wherever they are sitting so you can complain about how bad your significant other is, how fucked up your situation is, how much you love him/her etc.
Think about it. DO you want to listen when people begin to bitch about their life? 9 times out of 10 its a no, and the one person who says yes is just some asshole looking for drama to fill up their own shitty lives.
So in conclusion, stop making every conversation about how aggravated you are at your significant other because no one gives a shit.
You'd be better off trying to 69 with a Grizzly Bear.
I'm writing this to tell those who constantly talk about their boyfriend/girlfriend that no one, not even your parents, give a shit about your significant other. Trust me. No one wants to hear every little pathetic detail in your life when it comes to the two of you.
"He won't pick me up." wahhhhhhh
"Drive me cuz he lives far away" wahhhhhh
"She want to talk about feelings and not have sex" wahhhhhhh
Here is a little idea that I have for you:
A) Shut the fuck up
B) Break up with him/her
It is literally that simple. No longer should family/friends/acquaintances have to sit wherever they are sitting so you can complain about how bad your significant other is, how fucked up your situation is, how much you love him/her etc.
Think about it. DO you want to listen when people begin to bitch about their life? 9 times out of 10 its a no, and the one person who says yes is just some asshole looking for drama to fill up their own shitty lives.
So in conclusion, stop making every conversation about how aggravated you are at your significant other because no one gives a shit.
You'd be better off trying to 69 with a Grizzly Bear.
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