Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
...THE NETHERLANDS CHEATED!!! I HAVE PROOF!
So apparently the Netherlands beat the Dominican Republic last night in 11 innings to send the DR packing to whatever hut they came from.
I, much like the rest of the baseball world, am shocked by this because the DR sported a fantastic line-up with such big name stars like Jose Reyes from the Mets, David Ortiz from the Red Sox and Miguel "Injection" Tejada from the Astros. The Netherlands on the other hand have Sidney Ponson. Yeah, big fat Sidney Ponson...THAT'S IT!
In the 1st round of the World Baseball Classic, or WBC as ESPN tells me it's called, the Netherlands defeated the Dominican Powerhouse like 3-1 or some shit like that, but they beat them.
So they face them in an elimination match...AND BEAT THEM AGAIN, this time in 11 innings. Well, as I was getting dressed this morning (hi2u), I was watching Sportscenter and realized something was different.
Now, not everyone will be able to see it. In fact, I had to slow down my TV and replay it over and over until I finally saw how the Netherlands beat the Domincan Republic.
For those who didn't see it, the final play was an error by the first baseman as he tried to catch a line-drive and it shot off of his glove, causing the runner at third base to score.
What you are about to see may be one of the most shocking controversies to hit the WBC since A-Rod having an international love affair with Derek Jeter. This picture was captured from my TV, so I apologize if it is in poor quality.
As you can see, Willy Aybar was running for the ball when suddenly a lightning bolt shot down from the sky. Now many may not have seen this as it happened so quick that you needed to stop your TV at the right point.
So why would lightning strike down on the Dominican during a baseball game? Does God hate the Dominican Republic? No.
I did some more searching and found another picture that seems to tell the tale better. During the Netherlands celebration, you can clearly see a "player" who is not properly dressed in baseball attire. It took me a minute to realize who this "player" was, but now its clear to me.
The Netherland team went to great lengths to make sure that they were watched over by their God of LIghtning....
I, much like the rest of the baseball world, am shocked by this because the DR sported a fantastic line-up with such big name stars like Jose Reyes from the Mets, David Ortiz from the Red Sox and Miguel "Injection" Tejada from the Astros. The Netherlands on the other hand have Sidney Ponson. Yeah, big fat Sidney Ponson...THAT'S IT!
In the 1st round of the World Baseball Classic, or WBC as ESPN tells me it's called, the Netherlands defeated the Dominican Powerhouse like 3-1 or some shit like that, but they beat them.
So they face them in an elimination match...AND BEAT THEM AGAIN, this time in 11 innings. Well, as I was getting dressed this morning (hi2u), I was watching Sportscenter and realized something was different.
Now, not everyone will be able to see it. In fact, I had to slow down my TV and replay it over and over until I finally saw how the Netherlands beat the Domincan Republic.
For those who didn't see it, the final play was an error by the first baseman as he tried to catch a line-drive and it shot off of his glove, causing the runner at third base to score.
What you are about to see may be one of the most shocking controversies to hit the WBC since A-Rod having an international love affair with Derek Jeter. This picture was captured from my TV, so I apologize if it is in poor quality.
As you can see, Willy Aybar was running for the ball when suddenly a lightning bolt shot down from the sky. Now many may not have seen this as it happened so quick that you needed to stop your TV at the right point.
So why would lightning strike down on the Dominican during a baseball game? Does God hate the Dominican Republic? No.
I did some more searching and found another picture that seems to tell the tale better. During the Netherlands celebration, you can clearly see a "player" who is not properly dressed in baseball attire. It took me a minute to realize who this "player" was, but now its clear to me.
The Netherland team went to great lengths to make sure that they were watched over by their God of LIghtning....THOR!
That's right. The Netherlands went to great lengths to cheat in the World Baseball Classic and summond Thor to provide them with lightning strikes during the game!
These mother fuckers were so desperate for a win that they had to summon THOR TO DEMOLISH WILLIE AYBAR AND THE DOMINCAN REPUBLIC.
As a man of the people, I couldn't allow this to happen. I fired an e-mail to Sidney Ponson and these cheating allegations and got a reply.
"I don't know. Do you need an overweight starting pitcher?"
Watch out teams that play the Netherlands, they now have a God of Lightning on their side!
Fucking cheaters.
These mother fuckers were so desperate for a win that they had to summon THOR TO DEMOLISH WILLIE AYBAR AND THE DOMINCAN REPUBLIC.
As a man of the people, I couldn't allow this to happen. I fired an e-mail to Sidney Ponson and these cheating allegations and got a reply.
"I don't know. Do you need an overweight starting pitcher?"
Watch out teams that play the Netherlands, they now have a God of Lightning on their side!
Fucking cheaters.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
You're telling me you have no change in your car!?!?!?!?!
Yeah, I know...it's been awhile, now shut up and read.
So I go to Lawrence this morning for jury duty...yeah, fucking jury duty. That in itself is a kick in balls, especially because I have to get up earlier to "beat the traffic."
"Make sure you beat the traffic", they say
"There will be a lot of traffic," I hear
"Watch out for the traffic," is said...
So I get up at 6:15am to "beat the traffic", yet all I want to do is beat myself in the face with the frying pan that lies under the sink. So whatever, I get dressed, wake up fiancee (say whaaaaat?) with the light, go into the living to get dressed and I'm on my way...
...to fucking Lawrence...
...for fucking jury duty...
Fast forward, I'm in Lawrence and pull into a parking garage that says 'CASH ONLY', which is fine. I get my ticket and find a spot that is so crammed in, I may need the jaws of life to get the fuck out of my car.
I know I'm a big boy, but seriously, how fucking small are these spaces? I could take a shit and it wouldn't fit in this mother fucker. Maybe it was the piece of shit Mazda that was next to be, raping the yellow line that designates spots...I don't know.
Well at least it wasn't as bad as last week at work when I literally had to get in my passenger side and CLIMB OVER MY FUCKING CENTER CONSOLE because the spots are filling up. But that was kinda funny, I laughed about it, I didn't swear or anything, not like here. I like work, I don't like Lawrence.
Now, some of you may be saying "Greg, what is so bad about Lawrence?" In the short term, EVERYTHING! Want to picture Lawrence? Ok, go home and do this. Build a city out of Legos, Mega Blocks or whatever type of building block you have. Fuck, use Lincoln logs if you have to, that doesn't matter. Now this is the important part:
After you erect this lego city, with the yellow headed people going to their jobs, eat some mexican food and take a hefty diaherreah dump all over it and that's Lawrence.
Trust me, I worked there. It may be the worst place in the world. I would rather take a beating by a spiked bat in the balls every day for the rest of my life then go back to that cesspool.
ANYWAYS...I'm sitting in my car listening to Toucher and Rich because there WASN'T ANY FUCKING TRAFFIC THAT WARRANTED ME LEAVING AT THE ASS CRACK OF THE SUN and I have about an hour to kill before I walk into court.
So I'm looking over my paper work and notice that date of when I have to report...
So I go to Lawrence this morning for jury duty...yeah, fucking jury duty. That in itself is a kick in balls, especially because I have to get up earlier to "beat the traffic."
"Make sure you beat the traffic", they say
"There will be a lot of traffic," I hear
"Watch out for the traffic," is said...
So I get up at 6:15am to "beat the traffic", yet all I want to do is beat myself in the face with the frying pan that lies under the sink. So whatever, I get dressed, wake up fiancee (say whaaaaat?) with the light, go into the living to get dressed and I'm on my way...
...to fucking Lawrence...
...for fucking jury duty...
Fast forward, I'm in Lawrence and pull into a parking garage that says 'CASH ONLY', which is fine. I get my ticket and find a spot that is so crammed in, I may need the jaws of life to get the fuck out of my car.
I know I'm a big boy, but seriously, how fucking small are these spaces? I could take a shit and it wouldn't fit in this mother fucker. Maybe it was the piece of shit Mazda that was next to be, raping the yellow line that designates spots...I don't know.
Well at least it wasn't as bad as last week at work when I literally had to get in my passenger side and CLIMB OVER MY FUCKING CENTER CONSOLE because the spots are filling up. But that was kinda funny, I laughed about it, I didn't swear or anything, not like here. I like work, I don't like Lawrence.
Now, some of you may be saying "Greg, what is so bad about Lawrence?" In the short term, EVERYTHING! Want to picture Lawrence? Ok, go home and do this. Build a city out of Legos, Mega Blocks or whatever type of building block you have. Fuck, use Lincoln logs if you have to, that doesn't matter. Now this is the important part:
After you erect this lego city, with the yellow headed people going to their jobs, eat some mexican food and take a hefty diaherreah dump all over it and that's Lawrence.
Trust me, I worked there. It may be the worst place in the world. I would rather take a beating by a spiked bat in the balls every day for the rest of my life then go back to that cesspool.
ANYWAYS...I'm sitting in my car listening to Toucher and Rich because there WASN'T ANY FUCKING TRAFFIC THAT WARRANTED ME LEAVING AT THE ASS CRACK OF THE SUN and I have about an hour to kill before I walk into court.
So I'm looking over my paper work and notice that date of when I have to report...
JANUARY 28, 2009
WHAT!!?!?$#@(*!*&!&#$!
WHAT!!?!?$#@(*!*&!&#$!
Are you shitting me!?I'm in fucking Lawrence, the epitome of awfulness...FOR NO FUCKING REASON!? After my head exploded a la Scanners, I realized I needed money and need to find a bank...
So I'm walking around downtown Lawrence looking for an ATM, hoping and praying I'm not caught in some gang related drive-by-shooting (but I'm wearing neutral colors, so I should be ok). It's freezing out but I finally find a Bank of America, where I know I'm going to get ass fisted with charges, but don't care.
I take out $20 and proceed back to the parking garage to leave and head to work. I'm in a great mood of course because Fiancee has laughed at me and Boss probably thinks I'm a douche for being so stupid.
SO I'm leaving the parking garage and I pull up to a woman who looks like the kin of Corky from Life Goes On. I hand her my ticket and she tells me...
"1.50"
Yeah, 1.50 for the 15 minutes I parked there. Whatever. I give her my $20 which leads to her looking at me like I have 5 heads. Then this beautiful conversation happens, with her leading of course...
"$20? You don't have a $1.50?"
"No."
"No?"
"No."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I went to the ATM because I don't carry cash on me."
"And all you have is a $20?"
"Yes."
"You don't have any change in your car?"
"No."
"You're telling me you have don't have $1.50 in your car?"
"Yes, I don't have $1.50, now give me my change so I can get the fuck outta here and go to work"
What the fuck is wrong with her? Do I have $1.50? Yes, lady I do, but I'm such an asshole that I want to give you a $20 so you have to actually count out the change. I want to make your life worse than it probably already is, so I gave you a fucking $20 bill instead of the magical $1.50 I have sitting here right besides me.
Do you think I really want $18.50 in change!? Does it give me some sort of sick pleasure knowing that I made your day awful because you had to actually count out $18.50 when I had $1.50 sitting here, looking at you, taunting you.
NO I DONT HAVE A FUCKING $1.50, IF I HAD A FUCKING $1.50, I'D GIVE IT TO YOU SO YOU WOULD SHUT UP AND I WOULDN'T HAVE TO HAVE SUCH A STUPID FUCKING CONVERSATION WITH YOU...
and I get to do this all again next Wednesday because I'm a fucking idiot...
Eat me Lawrence.
So I'm walking around downtown Lawrence looking for an ATM, hoping and praying I'm not caught in some gang related drive-by-shooting (but I'm wearing neutral colors, so I should be ok). It's freezing out but I finally find a Bank of America, where I know I'm going to get ass fisted with charges, but don't care.
I take out $20 and proceed back to the parking garage to leave and head to work. I'm in a great mood of course because Fiancee has laughed at me and Boss probably thinks I'm a douche for being so stupid.
SO I'm leaving the parking garage and I pull up to a woman who looks like the kin of Corky from Life Goes On. I hand her my ticket and she tells me...
"1.50"
Yeah, 1.50 for the 15 minutes I parked there. Whatever. I give her my $20 which leads to her looking at me like I have 5 heads. Then this beautiful conversation happens, with her leading of course...
"$20? You don't have a $1.50?"
"No."
"No?"
"No."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I went to the ATM because I don't carry cash on me."
"And all you have is a $20?"
"Yes."
"You don't have any change in your car?"
"No."
"You're telling me you have don't have $1.50 in your car?"
"Yes, I don't have $1.50, now give me my change so I can get the fuck outta here and go to work"
What the fuck is wrong with her? Do I have $1.50? Yes, lady I do, but I'm such an asshole that I want to give you a $20 so you have to actually count out the change. I want to make your life worse than it probably already is, so I gave you a fucking $20 bill instead of the magical $1.50 I have sitting here right besides me.
Do you think I really want $18.50 in change!? Does it give me some sort of sick pleasure knowing that I made your day awful because you had to actually count out $18.50 when I had $1.50 sitting here, looking at you, taunting you.
NO I DONT HAVE A FUCKING $1.50, IF I HAD A FUCKING $1.50, I'D GIVE IT TO YOU SO YOU WOULD SHUT UP AND I WOULDN'T HAVE TO HAVE SUCH A STUPID FUCKING CONVERSATION WITH YOU...
and I get to do this all again next Wednesday because I'm a fucking idiot...
Eat me Lawrence.
Friday, January 2, 2009
Yes, I'm a gaming nerd!
ok, my favorite games of 2008... (these are in no particular order btw)
1. NCAA Football 2009 - In my eyes, this is EA's best football game around, way better than Madden. The college style seems to be either love it or hate it, but this game will make you love it. They have all 119 Division 1 teams, a more fluid playing style than 08 and they have upped the college atmosphere. This was easily a first day buy for me.
2. NHL 09 - This game is awesome, especially online. EASHL, with a team you enjoy playing with (like I have) is one of my favorite things to play online. The offline modes are great as well, especially Be A Pro. Though I do find BAP boring at times, I feel that it will revolutionize this franchise in a year or two. Again, the BAP is much better than Madden's superstar mode (I fucking hate Madden now), and is only in it's first year. A fantastic game, but the cheesers online do make the online mode tough to swallow at times.
3. Gears of War 2 - Unbelievable. Period. I was sucked into the storyline more this time around than last. My brother and I couldn't put it down. The feel, the emotion, all of it you experienced with the characters. Online mode, in my eyes, sucks. Outside of Horde, this game isn't fun at all online. Unless its a private party, you won't find me playing it online (again, unless its Horde).
4. Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare - I didn't put this game down for months, especially at night. One of the best game of 2008 in my opinion. First, it really made the Call Of Duty series different because it was finally modernized and made war relevant to our times. Then, Infinity Ward put out new guns, new scopes and overall new weaponry that made the game seem more realistic. The online mode shines in this game though. I always ran with a party of 4 or more and we had a great time. Hardcore mode made the game more challenging, but it was more realistic. No online achievements also made the game better because you didn't have people asking for achievement matches (hello Halo 3).
5. Rock Band 2 - If I was ranking my favorites, Rock Band 2 would be 1st, and by a long shot! Rock Band 2 brings new instruments, new game modes and new songs to the Rock Band franchise. After having 500+ available downloadable content (DLC), an AC/DC track pack that can be exported to the game and 55 songs that can be exported from Rock Band 1, this game is easily the greatest party game to be created. The new instruments are cool looking, work well (I only have the new drums) and are cross compatible with other games in the music genre. Honestly, the best game of the year.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
I Chime In With Havent You People Ever Heard Of Shutting The *censored* Damn Door?
Wait WHAT!?
Yeah, this was my reaction last night when listening to this shitty song on the radio. Ok, time to set the scene. Last night I was stuck in Girlfriend's car on our way to a "roomie get together" and in assloads upon assloads of traffic.
We're listening to some shitty pop music station when Panic At The Disco comes on. OK, I'll admit it, when I Write Sins, Not Tragedies came out, I actually liked it. Fucked up right?
So last night, amidst the constant pounding of Britney Spears, Rihanna and that shitty pop music where the singer goes with the robotic voice effect (HOW MANY FUCKING SONGS ARE GOING TO USE THIS!?)
Anyways, I'm listening to the song, singing it to avoid jumping out of the car in the deadlock fucking traffic (in which grenades would've been helpful), and suddenly the chorus comes in:
I chime in with haven't you people ever heard of shutting the goddamn door no?
Only wait, the term god is fucking censored.
Are you serious? You really had to censor the word god? Why? Is someone going to get offended in the term goddamn? ITS ONE FUCKING WORD!
And this is what I don't get. This song is a microcosm of everything wrong with society. Since when did we become such a PC nation where we censor the term "god" in one stance, but allow the same station to sing about being loved by mouth? Its fucking ridiculous.
To much now a-days do I hear people spewing bullshit that they are offended. Well you know what sir or ma'am, fuck you. If you have the right to be offended, I have the right to offend you, and I'll stick to that right as much as I want.
Think about it. No longer do we say 'Merry Christmas' or 'Happy Hanukkah', we say 'Happy Holidays' so everyone can feel all warm and fuzzy inside. So no one gets picked on in school. So no one is offended that their holiday isn't #1. Well I celebrate Christmas, so I will continue to say merry Christmas. If you don't like it, fuck off. Smile and leave. Don't make a big deal about it. If someone came up to be and said "Shalom, Happy Hanukkah young man" I'd smile and say 'The same to you sir' because I don't give a shit. I'm not Jewish, nor will I have Jewish children, but I wouldn't be up in arms about it. I wouldn't piss on some guys Menorah and say 'fuck you its christmas blahhhh'.
And what's this shit about calling a Christmas Tree a holiday tree? If i hear someone call it a holiday tree, i'm going to smash a glass ornament over their head. That's bullshit. Fine, call it a holiday tree. Fuck it, everything has to be holidayized now:
Christmas tree = holiday tree
menorah = holiday candelabra
dradle = holiday top
christmas presents = holiday gifts
christmas = holidaymas
Hanukkah = 8 days of holiday
See how fucking stupid you people will sound.
People need to stop being so fucking uptight with life. Why is it ok for a song to talk about infidelity, sex and drugs, but on the SAME STATION its not ok to say the word god? Does anyone see the fucking hypocrisy in this?
And this all boils down to the FCC, but I'm not going that route just yet. It'll take way to much time to write it all down.
Seriously, how many times are people going to beat around the bush so others won't be offended by what they say? It offends me that I can't offend anyone else. It offends me that I have to change what I do because someone has a problem with it.
It pisses me off that I can't go to a baseball game at Fenway Park and swear because a child may hear me, or I get a seat in the "family section" and can't drink a beer. Yeah, these things happen because morons have complained.
Well you know what people, fuck you. I paid good money to sit in this shitty wooden seat, I'll swear and drink all I want. I don't care if your child has never heard the term fuck before, it is my right as an American to freedom of speech.
This is why I've given up on American society. Why can't you just explain to your child that the man uses naughty language? Why can't you just tell them that this what grown-ups say? Why can't the parent get the person's attention and politely ask them to shut their face?
I don't fucking get people at all. Has our society become such pussies that they can't handle someone swearing? Can't handle being offended?
Fuck me
I'm moving to Antarctica, penguins don't give a fuck
Happy Holidaymas and Have a good 8 days of Holiday. I hope your fucking holiday candelabra burns down your holiday tree.
Yeah, this was my reaction last night when listening to this shitty song on the radio. Ok, time to set the scene. Last night I was stuck in Girlfriend's car on our way to a "roomie get together" and in assloads upon assloads of traffic.
We're listening to some shitty pop music station when Panic At The Disco comes on. OK, I'll admit it, when I Write Sins, Not Tragedies came out, I actually liked it. Fucked up right?
So last night, amidst the constant pounding of Britney Spears, Rihanna and that shitty pop music where the singer goes with the robotic voice effect (HOW MANY FUCKING SONGS ARE GOING TO USE THIS!?)
Anyways, I'm listening to the song, singing it to avoid jumping out of the car in the deadlock fucking traffic (in which grenades would've been helpful), and suddenly the chorus comes in:
I chime in with haven't you people ever heard of shutting the goddamn door no?
Only wait, the term god is fucking censored.
Are you serious? You really had to censor the word god? Why? Is someone going to get offended in the term goddamn? ITS ONE FUCKING WORD!
And this is what I don't get. This song is a microcosm of everything wrong with society. Since when did we become such a PC nation where we censor the term "god" in one stance, but allow the same station to sing about being loved by mouth? Its fucking ridiculous.
To much now a-days do I hear people spewing bullshit that they are offended. Well you know what sir or ma'am, fuck you. If you have the right to be offended, I have the right to offend you, and I'll stick to that right as much as I want.
Think about it. No longer do we say 'Merry Christmas' or 'Happy Hanukkah', we say 'Happy Holidays' so everyone can feel all warm and fuzzy inside. So no one gets picked on in school. So no one is offended that their holiday isn't #1. Well I celebrate Christmas, so I will continue to say merry Christmas. If you don't like it, fuck off. Smile and leave. Don't make a big deal about it. If someone came up to be and said "Shalom, Happy Hanukkah young man" I'd smile and say 'The same to you sir' because I don't give a shit. I'm not Jewish, nor will I have Jewish children, but I wouldn't be up in arms about it. I wouldn't piss on some guys Menorah and say 'fuck you its christmas blahhhh'.
And what's this shit about calling a Christmas Tree a holiday tree? If i hear someone call it a holiday tree, i'm going to smash a glass ornament over their head. That's bullshit. Fine, call it a holiday tree. Fuck it, everything has to be holidayized now:
Christmas tree = holiday tree
menorah = holiday candelabra
dradle = holiday top
christmas presents = holiday gifts
christmas = holidaymas
Hanukkah = 8 days of holiday
See how fucking stupid you people will sound.
People need to stop being so fucking uptight with life. Why is it ok for a song to talk about infidelity, sex and drugs, but on the SAME STATION its not ok to say the word god? Does anyone see the fucking hypocrisy in this?
And this all boils down to the FCC, but I'm not going that route just yet. It'll take way to much time to write it all down.
Seriously, how many times are people going to beat around the bush so others won't be offended by what they say? It offends me that I can't offend anyone else. It offends me that I have to change what I do because someone has a problem with it.
It pisses me off that I can't go to a baseball game at Fenway Park and swear because a child may hear me, or I get a seat in the "family section" and can't drink a beer. Yeah, these things happen because morons have complained.
Well you know what people, fuck you. I paid good money to sit in this shitty wooden seat, I'll swear and drink all I want. I don't care if your child has never heard the term fuck before, it is my right as an American to freedom of speech.
This is why I've given up on American society. Why can't you just explain to your child that the man uses naughty language? Why can't you just tell them that this what grown-ups say? Why can't the parent get the person's attention and politely ask them to shut their face?
I don't fucking get people at all. Has our society become such pussies that they can't handle someone swearing? Can't handle being offended?
Fuck me
I'm moving to Antarctica, penguins don't give a fuck
Happy Holidaymas and Have a good 8 days of Holiday. I hope your fucking holiday candelabra burns down your holiday tree.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Seriously people, learn to fucking drive
Ok, I'm not really sure if I'll get the funny aspect out today because I've come to the realization that most of the human race needs to be wiped off the face of the Earth. You know what, if I was the last person alive and I had to re-populate this planet, I would probably just throw myself into a volcano or something.
I've had it up to my eyeballs with people. First the asshole who splashed me a couple of days ago and now its people driving WHEN THE WEATHER ISNT EVEN FUCKING BAD OUT! Maybe its just my current mood, maybe its just that I spent 20+ minutes trying to scrape my car clean of ice, maybe its the fact I needed to dump hot water on my car doors then use a shovel to pry them open this morning...I'm not sure.
So I take 20 minutes to chip away at the block of ice known as my vehicle, people are driving around as I pound away, and just staring at me. Does anyone offer help? Nah, why would they? But fuck it, I don't expect anyone to offer any means of help, so I go back to pounding away.
Now where I parked, it is kind of on a hill. At this point, I'm done beating the shit off of my windshield and ready to go to the surgeons to find out if I need to be cut open. So, I get stuck on the fucking hill, no problem though right? Right. I can just go in reverse and exit out a different...oh wait. No I can't. Some asshole is right behind me and wont go in reverse. So I pretty much tell him to fuck off, yelling out of my window and he finally goes in reverse.
I FINALLY get going and hit Elliot St to head to route 128. THE FUCKING TRAIN COMES! Yeah, the fucking dingy things start going off and the bar lowers as to say 'stop a train is coming'. First off, why the fucking bar? Is someone going to drive, see the train and stop on the tracks? What is this an 1880 silent film? And secondly, before anyone says 'Well stupid, its so they wont get hit by the train', well if you fucking stupid enough to drive on the train tracks when you hear those things dinging and see them flashing, you deserve to be impaled by a moving piece of machinery.
After a good 20 minutes, I get on to the highway and, oh wait, there is an accident. Needless to say, I never made it to my doctor's appointment.
But here is the real problem, why do people get so fucking retarded when there is snow or ice on the ground? I couldn't hit 60 on the highway because people, what, scared of melting ice? I don't get it. Grow a set and learn to fucking drive! Seriously, its moments like this where I believe driving with a set of live grenades should be allowed.
Drive like an asshole? Boom, grenade on the hood of your car
Driving like an old lady? Bam, grenade threw the open window
Now you may miss and hit the car behind you, but that's a casualty I'm willing to allow happen. Think about it, how many people would drive better knowing someone is sitting in their car, waiting to annihilate you with live grenades? Shit, I know I would.
And it wouldn't be everybody who is allowed to use this program because then it would just turn into a grenade flinging shitfest and we'd be exactly where we were but with more death.
It would be a strict guideline, basically I'd just give them out to my friends. Be my friend, get a box of live grenades.
Think about it, you're driving along and someone is driving 45 on the highway. Throw a grenade in their car and get out of the way. Who does that hurt? Not you. In fact, it would be like my flamethrower idea at the movie theater. Sure there would be problems in the beginning, but eventually people would get used to it and order would be restored.
Merry Christmas asshole, learn to drive
I've had it up to my eyeballs with people. First the asshole who splashed me a couple of days ago and now its people driving WHEN THE WEATHER ISNT EVEN FUCKING BAD OUT! Maybe its just my current mood, maybe its just that I spent 20+ minutes trying to scrape my car clean of ice, maybe its the fact I needed to dump hot water on my car doors then use a shovel to pry them open this morning...I'm not sure.
So I take 20 minutes to chip away at the block of ice known as my vehicle, people are driving around as I pound away, and just staring at me. Does anyone offer help? Nah, why would they? But fuck it, I don't expect anyone to offer any means of help, so I go back to pounding away.
Now where I parked, it is kind of on a hill. At this point, I'm done beating the shit off of my windshield and ready to go to the surgeons to find out if I need to be cut open. So, I get stuck on the fucking hill, no problem though right? Right. I can just go in reverse and exit out a different...oh wait. No I can't. Some asshole is right behind me and wont go in reverse. So I pretty much tell him to fuck off, yelling out of my window and he finally goes in reverse.
I FINALLY get going and hit Elliot St to head to route 128. THE FUCKING TRAIN COMES! Yeah, the fucking dingy things start going off and the bar lowers as to say 'stop a train is coming'. First off, why the fucking bar? Is someone going to drive, see the train and stop on the tracks? What is this an 1880 silent film? And secondly, before anyone says 'Well stupid, its so they wont get hit by the train', well if you fucking stupid enough to drive on the train tracks when you hear those things dinging and see them flashing, you deserve to be impaled by a moving piece of machinery.
After a good 20 minutes, I get on to the highway and, oh wait, there is an accident. Needless to say, I never made it to my doctor's appointment.
But here is the real problem, why do people get so fucking retarded when there is snow or ice on the ground? I couldn't hit 60 on the highway because people, what, scared of melting ice? I don't get it. Grow a set and learn to fucking drive! Seriously, its moments like this where I believe driving with a set of live grenades should be allowed.
Drive like an asshole? Boom, grenade on the hood of your car
Driving like an old lady? Bam, grenade threw the open window
Now you may miss and hit the car behind you, but that's a casualty I'm willing to allow happen. Think about it, how many people would drive better knowing someone is sitting in their car, waiting to annihilate you with live grenades? Shit, I know I would.
And it wouldn't be everybody who is allowed to use this program because then it would just turn into a grenade flinging shitfest and we'd be exactly where we were but with more death.
It would be a strict guideline, basically I'd just give them out to my friends. Be my friend, get a box of live grenades.
Think about it, you're driving along and someone is driving 45 on the highway. Throw a grenade in their car and get out of the way. Who does that hurt? Not you. In fact, it would be like my flamethrower idea at the movie theater. Sure there would be problems in the beginning, but eventually people would get used to it and order would be restored.
Merry Christmas asshole, learn to drive
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